Am I with the right person? How do I know I am with the right person? I mean, what are the signs you’re with the right person, vs the signs you’re with the wrong person?!
Looking for clarity? Want to move forward with your relationship, confidently? Or maybe you need to make the tough decision to walk away (but be SURE that that’s 100% the right thing?)
Whatever it is, whichever way it goes, this post will help YOU to get to the bottom of it.
“Am I with the right person?” Well, you’ll soon find out. So let’s start from the top, shall we?
Why Am I Asking, “Am I With The Right Person?”
So first up, before we get into it, I want you to ask yourself: why am I asking, “am I with the right person?” Why are you questioning if he’s “the one”?
What’s the state of your relationship like right now? Is it healthy? Is your relationship toxic at times?
Or perhaps you feel like there’s just conflict after conflict, which is why you’re starting to question the two of you now?
It could also be that you’re getting a little nervous – you’re falling fast and hard and it scares you, so you’re trying to look for things wrong, or “what’s ifs” to try to protect yourself?
Or maybe your relationship is moving too fast? And so you’re starting to panic?
There could be no end of reasons…
But whatever it is – I want you to get clear on WHY you’re asking “am I with the right person?” as that – in itself – will be a big indicator as to whether you are or you aren’t.
How Do I Know I Am With The Right Person?
See, ultimately, it’s pretty difficult to know FOR SURE, if you’re with the right person.
Who’s to say there’s just one right person for everyone? And who’s to say that a person can’t be right for you, at a time in your life, then that changes?
The right person also ISN’T just someone who’s perfect in every single way. Why? Because this kind of person genuinely doesn’t exist!
And if you think they do – it’s most likely that you’re fantasising and building them up in your head. (A recipe for disaster and disappointment, so be careful!)
Furthermore, whether or not you’re with the “right person” or not, also depends on what your expectations or standards are. How do YOU determine it?
For example, one person could look at the “right person” as being:
Someone who makes me happy, who makes me feel loved. Someone who wants the same things, and who I can genuinely build a life with.
Whereas another person may have a long list of the “right person”, who’s not perfect as such, but has all these boxes they need to tick, and not all of them are completely necessary.
The Most Important Thing…
Ultimately however – the boxes don’t matter. If deal breaker boxes aren’t ticked, you won’t be completely happy. If fundamental things don’t align, you won’t want the same things.
So the best way to know if you’re with the right person, is to take away all the excessive expectations and just bring it back to the core of how this person makes you feel, how well you work right now, and what ability the relationship therefore has to continue moving forward in the way you want it to.
Does that make sense? When you look at it that way, it relieves far more pressure and makes it far less overwhelming.
After all, with over 8 billion people in the world, the prospect of knowing that you’ve found “THE ONE” can feel very stressful indeed!
Am I With The Right Person?
So how do you know if you’re with the right person? How can you get to the bottom of it? Well, the best way to do so, is to ask yourself some questions…
Grab a notepad and work through this with me now. Jot down the answers as you go along, as it makes things far easier to process when you can sort through them OUTIDE of your mind.
The kind of things you want to ask yourself to be able to answer, “am I with the right person?” are things like:
Questions To Ask Yourself…
- Do you and your partner align with the things that really matter? E.G. Morals? Ways of living? Attitudes towards life? Desires for life? Etc.
- Do you and your partner want the same things in a relationship? And how do you know this? What are you looking for, and what “evidence” is there that suggests your partner is on the same page with where they’re at too?
- Are you happy where your relationship is currently at? And is it where you currently want / need to be?
- Are you both ready for the kind of relationship you want moving forward? And are you likely to be able to move forward, to that place, at the same pace?
- Does your partner make you HAPPY? (This is one of the biggest questions you should ask when looking at, “Am I with the right person?!”) And – what’s equally important is – do you make your partner happy too? Can you both confidently say you’re happy in your relationship? And how do you know this to be true?
Let’s Keep Them Coming…
- Are you also happy enough in yourself, so that you’re able to be the best partner you can be? (This is another big question. After all – if other things are getting in the way and tainting your relationship, it’s difficult to gage whether you’re in the right relationship or not, as the relationship isn’t everything it could or should be.) You can also ask the same question, the other way around, about your partner. It will then just be a case of how supportive, understanding and patient you can be with them – providing that they are actively working n the things they need to.
- Does your partner meet all of your “requirements” for the things you NEED in a relationship? And this isn’t saying that they need to be perfect. Not at all. But like we mentioned above – are the fundamentals of what’s important to you, being met? Likewise…
- Have you compromised by being with your partner? Are any of your “deal breakers” being broken and you’re overlooking them, when you shouldn’t be?
- Is your relationship – as a whole – healthy? In what ways is it, and isn’t it? (Really dig deeper into this one.) To what degree? And in which ways is that “normal” or not?
- Do you have strong communication skills (or a willingness from both sides to work on this), to enable you to get through any challenges that come your way? And how do you know this? What challenges or conflicts have you gotten through in the past, and how have they actually made you stronger?
Am I With The Right Person?
By answering all of the above questions (and writing down all of the answers on paper), you can then start to see, visually:
- If there’s more good things, indicating that YES, you are with the right person. Or:
- If there’s more bad that could suggest you’re possibly not.
Break it down on separate pieces of paper or use colour codes so that it’s clearer when differentiating, if easier.
You can also build on this further by reading and recognising the signs you’re with the right person, vs. the signs you’re with the wrong person.
These are just generalisations, but it can also help you to come to a stronger conclusion, so – again – have a read through and see how many statements ring true on each side…
Signs You’re With The WRONG Person
Here’s some of the key signs you’re with the wrong person. Not every sign alone, may be a major deal-breaker, but if you’re reading through this list and multiple “big ones” are ringing true, it could certainly conclude that you’re most likely not with the right person, after all…
So, what do you want to look out for? Well:
- You don’t feel the love you either used to feel, or the kind of love you WANT to feel in a relationship. And as hard as you’ve tried to get it back / help it to develop – it’s just not there.
(Please note: This isn’t about unrealistic expectations, searching for a “fairytale love.” It’s just about knowing you want and deserve a BURNING love, filled with passion!)
- You love the POTENTIAL of them, more than the REALITY of who they really are.
- Your lives don’t seem to align or match up very well. But more-so than this, the effort or compromise isn’t especially made to try to make it.
- The relationship is one-sided, which makes the dynamics wrong, either way.
- You argue… A lot… And usually about the same things. It’s frustrating and draining. Similarly…
- There’s things in your relationship that need to change – but they never do. They never even really improve, or if they do, that change doesn’t seem to last long-term anyway.
Signs You’re With The WRONG Person
- They don’t seem to “get you”, but more so than that – they don’t try hard enough to try to. This leaves you feeling alone and misunderstood, often.
- You can’t trust them. Your partner betrayed you in some way or form, resentment has been built and the relationship is now pretty toxic. (Likewise, it works both ways so perhaps it was you who made the mistake, but have been unable to re-build things ever since.)
- On a similar note – if there’s mistreatment in the relationship in terms of any form of abuse, it’s a major sign you’re with the wrong person (and as hard as it is – you cannot accept it anymore.)
- Your fundamental wants and needs in a relationship, are not being met. OR (and you may not expect this one) – THEIR wants and needs aren’t being met… Yet they won’t speak up. This means that they’re not truly happy, and you’re not being the best, nicest version of you either. The two of you aren’t quite compatible.
- You REGULARLY ask yourself, “am I with the right person?” and often consider the two of you splitting up. What’s more, one of the biggest reasons why you haven’t ended things (just yet!) is because you’re afraid of being on your own, not being able to find someone else and don’t want to go through the (undeniably painful) breakup process (again.) So you’re staying for the wrong reasons essentially.
- Your relationship is often on-off-on-off, and you’ve already broken up and gotten back together (probably far too quickly) before.
Signs You’re With The RIGHT Person
On the flip side, let’s look at some of the signs you ARE with the right person. (Although these are easier to spot, tell and know, because – in most cases – it will just FEEL right!)
- You love them, more than you’ve ever loved anyone before.
- It’s a healthy love, and a healthy relationship.
- You FEEL loved… Which also helps to make you feel safe and secure.
- You can be yourself – completely yourself. And you know that your partner loves you for you.
- You trust your partner. (Even if you have trust issues, you know, deep down, they are a trust-worthy person and you want to build on that trust with them further.)
- You know you can talk to your partner about anything and they’ll always care, listen, try to understand, and help / support you, wherever they can.
- They’re not just your partner, but your best friend too. You have fun together, laugh together, and are on the same wavelength.
- There’s still that PASSION, and chemistry there (which is how you know you’re NOT better off as friends.)
- You’re genuinely building a life together. The relationship is moving forward – but feels natural and right to do so. What’s more, you genuinely see a future with them and want the same things.
- You don’t WANT anyone else, you know that your partner is special and wouldn’t want to build a life with anyone else. (Even if there was someone else who ticked all your boxes on paper, and more! It’s your partner you want, and only your partner.)
See, many of these signs you will know (if they’re true of course!) – you just need to remind yourself of these things and stop allowing yourself to get in with your own head. (🤗 )
Am I With The Right Person?
So what’s the verdict?
After looking at the signs you’re with the right person, the signs you’re with the wrong person and digging deeper to specifically analyse your own relationship – what’s the conclusion?
Are you with the right person?
If you’re still feeling unsure, sign up for a quick Power Hour Coaching Call to get to the bottom of it, once and for all.
See, sometimes we cling onto the WRONG person, for fear of never finding the RIGHT one. On the flip side, it’s easy to panic and overthink – especially as things start getting more serious.
So just take a step back. Think clearly and honestly. Because, deep down, you’ll know if you’re with the right person or not. Honestly, you will.
I hope this has helped. Wishing you all the love and happiness in your life.