150 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

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Looking for intimate questions to ask your partner? Intimate questions to continue building your bond and bring you closer? Then here’s 150 intimacy questions for couples, to get the inspiration flowing.

Why is this important? Well, because intimacy is often something that’s overlooked, and yet:

Research tells us that the presence of intimacy in our lives — feeling understood, accepted and cared for — strongly influences our overall physical and emotional well-being.

So What Is Intimacy?

Intimacy is closeness between people in personal relationships. 

It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. 

Now, there are different types of intimacy. (The two most common being physical and emotional intimacy.) So when it comes to intimacy questions for couples, you’re focusing on developing the emotional intimacy side.

What exactly does that mean? Well, let’s explore this further…

What Are Intimacy Questions For Couples?

So first up, before we start brainstorming intimate questions to ask your partner, let’s first get clear on what intimate questions to ask your partner, actually are.

See, as mentioned,the definition of intimate can take a number of definitions. You’ve got:

  • “Closely acquainted; familiar.” This is usually used in the context of friends and will undoubtably be at the level you and your partner are already at.
  • “Private and personal.” The second definition of intimate refers to things that are private or personal. So this is more of the focus when it comes to intimate questions to ask your partner, as that then goes back to helping you to connect with them.

What things haven’t they really opened up about yet? Are there any things that you have not spoken about yet either? Or would – possibly – find it more difficult to talk about?

What kind of questions could you certainly NOT ask anyone, but would build trust and openness in your relationship? Or improve it in other ways, if you could get it out in the open?

In fact, let’s just touch on this further…

increase intimacy in a relationship

The Benefits Of Asking Your Partner Intimate Questions

See, benefits of asking your partner intimate questions are that:

  • It really does help to build trust in your relationship as you take things to the next level, sharing things you couldn’t or wouldn’t share with anyone.
  • This in turn helps to bring the two of you closer, and makes you feel closer to your partner.
  • The intimate questions can also be the harder questions as they could be seen as TOO personal. It may make you / your partner feel uncomfortable or awkward; embarrassed even in some situations. But sometimes the conversations need to be had, or – if they are had – it will enhance your relationship in ways you may not have experienced before.

You’ll also find that when you start asking more intimate questions, asking other – more difficult – intimate questions then becomes easier to ask and easier to answer.

The bond that you and your partner will share by the end of it, will be amazing. And you really will have the openness to then strengthen your relationship EVEN MORE! 

How To Ask Your Partner Intimate Questions

Now, when it comes to asking your partner intimate questions, you want to:

1) Make sure the time is right.

Don’t bring up difficult conversations randomly or out of the blue. You also don’t want to ask your partner intimate questions if they’re having a bad day or just need a little love and care!

Instead, ask when you’re already close, comfortable and cuddled up on the sofa (or something similar)… to make it feel as “safe” as it can, and encourage that openness.

2) Share something on the topic before you ask the question. (Where Needed)

You can also ease into these intimate questions by sharing your own answer to the intimate question before you ask, or sharing something on a similar topic.

After all, if you’re asking your partner to open up to them, you can “set the standards” by showing them that you’re willing to do this with them too.

It works both ways and is for the two of you.

3) Build It Up

You can also start with the “easier” intimate questions, then build them up.

Or, ask related intimate questions that are slightly easier – but still on the topic of things – then either develop the conversation from there (there and then.)

Or build on the conversation over a longer period of time, as the trust further grows.

4) Don’t push!

If you ask your partner an intimate question and they’re not comfortable answering it, or answering it in as much detail as you’d perhaps have liked – respect that.

Don’t push, as it will only push them away or get their guard up more. So be patient, be understanding and be respectful with it… Always! (Although that goes without saying, right?)

intimacy in a relationship

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

Now we’ve got that out the way, we can start to introduce these intimate questions to ask your partner. 

  • Within this, you will have intimate questions you may NEED to ask. 
  • There’s also intimate questions you may just want to ask, that are more conversational.

The purpose of this list is to give you ideas and help you discover your own intimate questions that you’d like to ask your partner. 

After all, some of these can be asked “just for fun”, but many intimate questions will also be unique to the two of you, your situation, how you both act and how you both feel.

150 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

So let’s get stuck in, shall we? In no particular order, here’s 150 intimate questions to ask your partner. (Some of the very best intimacy questions for couples, to help bring you closer!)

1) If you could (with ease!), what things would you change about your personality? And why?

2) If you could (with ease!), what things would you change about your appearance? And why? (Or, would you genuinely not want to change anything at all?)

Just note: when it comes to intimate questions, your partner can of course, go for the easier, more obvious answer.

But what builds that trust, closeness and connection, is when they reveal more than that… They share the things that no-one knows – big or small.

Or they open up about how something REALLY makes them feel, which they may try to hide…

3) Have you ever known anyone, who you really wanted to be?

(And we’re not talking celebrities! Maybe it’s someone your partner grew up with, who was everything they didn’t have the confidence to be.

Or perhaps it’s someone they know now, who they’re envious of…

But for reasons you wouldn’t expect. This can be hard to admit, making it a great intimacy question for couples when embraced properly.

4) Are there any parts of yourself or your story, which you’ve struggle to accept? Or still struggle to accept now? And if so – why?

5) What things are you proud of about yourself, which you don’t talk about enough?

6) Are there any things that you feel like people don’t fully understand or appreciate about you?

improve emotional intimacy

Let’s Keep Them Coming…

7) How easy / difficult do you find it to talk about yourself? Or (if this is an obvious answer) – make it specific to different aspects of themselves.

E.G. Maybe your partner is loud and outgoing, having no trouble speaking about themselves – but it’s always superficial stuff. They never truly let people in, or speak up about certain things.

8) What things do you love or appreciate about me, which you don’t think I fully see about myself?

9) What things made you fall so deeply in love with me? (Which maybe you’ve never shared before… See you’ve got to have some cute questions to ask your partner in here!)

10) Is there anything you think is true about me, but you’ve never asked to confirm?

11) Are there certain things that you find difficult to talk to me about? And what makes it difficult? Should it be difficult? And is this more because of me or you?

Remember, this isn’t about accusations or confrontation even.

It’s simply about being able to speak up and open up, as that’s what builds emotional intimacy between the two of you, where you know you’re both on the same page.

12) Are there any things you really don’t know or understand about me, which you’d really like to ask?… But perhaps think are too personal to ask! “Now’s the time “babe”, now’s the time!” (Or whatever nickname you have for your partner!)

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner…

13) What things are important to you, when it comes to who you are, how you act and what you stand for?

14) What do you think are the biggest things that have shaped you into who you are? And are there any small things have actually made quite a big difference alongside this?

15) What things have changed your outlook in the past year / two years / five years?

16) How do you think you’ve changed and grown as a person? In what ways? And do you feel happy with who you’re becoming? Do you feel like you’re on the right track?

17) What things have made you question yourself?

18) What sort of things have made you (or still do make you), question others? / Society?

19) Do you feel like you make many mistakes? Many bigs ones that lead to regret?

20) Have you ever done anything, which you’re still struggling to forgive yourself for?

21) How hard / soft do you think that you are on yourself?

22) How hard / soft do you think you are on others? And why? 

23) What standards / expectation do you set – for both yourself and others?

how to ask intimate questions

What Else Have We Got?…

24) What things intimidate you? Ones which you perhaps, hate to admit?

E.G. Perhaps other guys make your partner feel threatened, and ultimately that could lead to lower self-esteem than your boyfriend may have let on about!

With intimate questions like these, you can start to learn this, get it out, in order to then work it out, and strengthen your relationship.

25) What things make you feel strong as a person, and is there anything that makes you feel weak?

26) What beliefs (that people have, in general) do you struggle to agree with? And why don’t they sit right with you?

27) Are there any things you would have changed about your childhood / upbringing if you could?

(Remember to make it clear, there’s no judgements on their family or parents, here.)

28) Are there any experiences, throughout your life, which have really stuck with you? And for what reason? Negative or positive?

29) Do you feel like you can share with me, fully and completely, how you feel? E.G. If you’re upset, can you always tell me why and to what degree?

30) Is there anything I can do to better support and encourage you?

31) How do you pick yourself up when you’re feeling down, and how hard do you find it to manage your emotions?

Couples Intimacy Questions…

32) Has anything ever upset you, which you’ve kept in? / What kind of things do you feel like you have to keep to yourself? And why?

33) Are there any things that I do, that actually really bother you, but you try not to make a big deal about?

34) Which sides do you think that I bring out of you the most? (Both the good and the bad!)

35) What little things make you feel loved? What is your love language, do you think?

36) What things could I therefore do to make you feel MORE loved?

(This is especially important if you want to make your partner happy.

It’s just not a question that’s often said, which therefore highlights the importance of asking intimate questions in a relationship.)

37) Have you ever done truly stupid things for love? What did you do, and do you regret it now?

38) Do you think you’ve had a lot of past partners? And how do you feel about that number?

Note: if you’re not comfortable speaking about this, or don’t really want to know the answer – don’t ask it. Remember, these are just ideas for intimate questions to ask your partner.

You can pick and choose which couples intimacy questions you actually ask, and make up your own.

After all – they should be specific to the two of you, and what you know will be helpful to ask or – ultimately – bring you closer.

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

Let’s Keep Them Coming…

39) What things do you find the most difficult about being in a relationship, or falling in love? Is there anything you find challenging, or anything you struggle with? (Particularly, more than they may let on.)

40) Are there any bad habits you think, either you, I, or the both of us, have in our relationship? Bad relationship habits that actually do have an impact on our relationship?

41) What things do you think that both you and I, really do get right in this relationship?

42) In what ways do you think we have a strong, friendship base, in this relationship?

43) What are you most grateful for, about our relationship?

44) What’s your relationship vision for us? (Including all of the big and little things, plus of course, things they perhaps haven’t shared before.)

44 B) And – following that – what timescale would you ideally envision this happening on?

This can be an interesting question, as the more you increase that trust and openness with intimate questions, the more your partner will reveal.

Do they want to “settle down” sooner than they’ve previously let on? Do they hope to have things you’ve never known before?

A lot can come out with this question, but it’s one of those (potentially) tough relationship questions that are actually really important to ask.

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend…

45) What was your worst experience of heartbreak? And how did you – honestly – deal with it? (Don’t brush it off!)

46) How afraid are you, of your heart being broken? (Or, if it’s already happened before – of your heart being broken again?)

47) If there was one thing you could change about us, what would it be?

48) If there was one thing you could capture in a bottle, and feel whenever you want to, what would you try to keep? (E.G. the feeling of being loved so deeply!)

49) What would be the best thing about growing old with me?

50) Is there anything you find scary / daunting about our relationship or future?

51) What’s your honest thoughts on starting a family and having kids? And if you do want children – what’s your vision for parenting? 

52) Can you see the two of us having children? And if so – what would you want it to be like?

53) How important is marriage to you? (Let’s discuss that!)

couples intimacy questions

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend…

54) Are there any things you think we disagree on, which could be a problem? Or any things we disagree on, but which you know we’ll work through?

55) What does it mean to you, to be loved? And why is it important to you?

56) What does it feel like, to be in love? And what does it mean to you to be in love?

57) Do you know what your attachment style is in a relationship? If not – identify it. If so – where do you think you got this from?

58) How did you first know that you were in love with me? And did you know you were going to fall in love with me, even before you did? Or did it come as a surprise? 

59) How do you like to show love? And do you find it easy or difficult to show your love to people?

60) What does physical intimacy mean to you? How important is it to you? And why?

Another Top Tip: To encourage your partner to open up further – and share more intimate details – listen to what they’re saying, without interruption or judgement, respond back with thought and recognition, then seek to understand them further by asking, “why?”

See, the conversation doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t have to, stop simply at their first answer. These intimate questions to ask your partner shouldn’t be rushed through. Each question should be given the time and focus it deserves. That way – you get far more out of it!

Let’s Keep Them Coming…

61) How does it FEEL when you are physically intimate with me?

This is a great intimate question to ask your partner and one which can be explored in depth.

Now, these kind of questions can often be seen as embarrassing. But they’re not… Not really.

And by asking intimate questions about physical intimacy and being able to talk about it more openly – it really improves your relationship in that area. On that note…

62) Where do you like to be touched? And how does that make you FEEL?

(Remember, focus on encouraging them to talk about the big or little things, they haven’t share before!)

63) (Without any offence taken here) what things could I do, to improve our experiences “in the bedroom”?

64) Are there any things in the bedroom you secretly don’t like, or wish I would do differently / get “better at”?

Uh huh – I mentioned no offence must be taken with these intimate questions, right?

Remember it’s not a criticism. If you can have conversations like these, it will take your physical intimacy to the next level!

65) Are there any things in the bedroom you wish I would do more of?

intimacy questions for couples

Intimacy Questions For Couples

66) Are there any things in the bedroom you want to do more of?

And if so, why do you feel like you can’t? Is it down to confidence or a difference in preference? And would there be a way to meet in the middle or improve this?

67) Are there any WILD things, you’d love us to try?

68) What things do you wish you could do better “in the bedroom”? Any “tips” you wish you could ask me?

69) Do you ever have any questions you wish you could ask me, relating to physical intimacy? Anything at all?

(Nothing’s off limits here!) … And now’s their chance to ask!

A great way to lead into this question is by asking one that you have for them, then throwing it back to ask if they have anything they’ve wanted to ask you.

This then makes it easier – especially if what they want to ask could be seen as embarrassing!

70) How do you think we could better keep the chemistry alive – both when we’re together and when we’re not?

71) Do you feel like both of our needs are being fully met, intimacy wise? And what would have to change, for this to no longer be the case? Or what do we need to do, to change it if it’s not the case right now either?

72) How would you feel if my appearance changed over time? E.G. Let’s say I put on a substantial amount of weight. Do you think it would affect our relationship? And if so – to what degree and in what ways?

Couples Intimacy Questions

73) What’s the most important type of intimacy to you, and why?

As mentioned – there are actually many types of intimacy in a relationship…

These include: physical, emotional, intellectual, aesthetic, creative, recreational, work, crisis, commitment, conflict, communication, and spiritual.

Work through each one to discuss and explore it further.

74) How could we increase the different types of intimacy in our relationship further? And which types of intimacy do you think we could be lacking in, vs. which ones do we have very strong?

75) Are there any sides of you that you try to hide from me, or which you don’t think I see?

76) Is there anything that I’ve helped you to learn about yourself?

77) What wrong assumptions do you think that people often make about you? Where do you think they come from? Do you think there’s any accuracy to them? And how do they make you feel?

78) How difficult / easy do you find it to be 100% yourself? (Talk about in different situations and around different people as a comparison.) 

79) If you could change one big decision in life, what would it be and why?

80) If you could guarantee one thing to happen in your life from here, what would you most want?

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

Let’s Keep Them Coming…

81) Are there any things in life that you’d go out of your way to try to avoid?!

And we’re not just talking about scraping your plate before putting it in the dishwasher, here.

Remember – what makes a question and intimate question, is if your partner is willing to open up and share things they wouldn’t usually, when answering.

82) What past experiences have hurt you the most? And how was you able to let go of this hurt? Or do you feel like you’re still holding on?

83) Are there any things you’re secretly afraid of – or which play on your mind with concern – which you don’t talk about? And why? What about it, makes you not want to share this with anyone?

84) What’s been the scariest experience of your life?

85) What do you think happens to a person once they are no longer here?

86) Are there any things that you believe in, which you’d be embarrassed about, or unsure of admitting?

87) What are you most thankful for? And do you take a moment to appreciate it daily? (Or what would you like to remind yourself of every day?)

88) If you could do anything you wanted to do, what things would you do?

Really think this question through… As when you think about it, and dig deeper, the answers are very interesting indeed!

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner

89) What things make you feel vulnerable?

90) Have you ever had any health scares? What’s the worst thing you’ve experienced in the doctors / at hospital?

(Remind them that nothing is embarrassing here! On that note…)

91) Do you have any “embarrassing” stories, you can let me in on?!

92) If it were possible, what life advice would you give to your teenage self?

93) If you could look into the future, how far ahead would you want to look, and what would you do if you didn’t see what you’d want to see?

94) Are there any things you haven’t / wouldn’t tell me, for fear of it changing the way I see you? And do you think you would ever / could ever / should ever, open up about these?

95) What are your biggest (and smallest) insecurities? And how do they affect your life?

96) How do you think your priorities have changed in the last year / two years/ five years? (Etc.) And are there any things that are important to you that you think will never change?

97) How open / resistant do you think that you are to change? And why?

98) Were you raised with any beliefs that you now reject? 

couples intimacy questions

What Else Have We Got?…

99) Have you developed any new beliefs as you’ve gotten older? 

100) What things have made you question your beliefs?

101) What’s your honest thoughts on faith? (Discuss!)

102) What’s your honest thoughts on spirituality? (Discuss!)

103) If you could solve one big problem in the world, what would it be and why? What makes this thing particularly important to you?

(The reasons WHY are the most important things! It’s this aspect that you want to focus on, which turns it from a deep question to ask your partner, to a more intimate one.)

104) Do you feel like I truly know you for everything and all that you are?

105) How well do you think you know yourself?

106) What is the closest you’ve ever felt to me? And what makes you feel close to me?

This is an important intimate question to ask your partner, particularly if they struggle with feeling secure in a relationship.

After all, there’s always things you can do to feel closer to your partner so it may just be about opening up the conversation around this!

107) Is there anything you need more of in our relationship?

Intimacy Questions For Couples

108) Where do you think our strengths and weaknesses lie in our relationship? Both as a couples and as individuals?

109) Do you think we get the balance right in terms of putting our partners needs above our own, and vice versa? If so – why / why not?

110) Do you have any regrets when it comes to our relationship?

111) What is your proudest moment you have of us, as a couple? 

112) What do you think would make us stronger as a couple?

(Again, try to think about things that you haven’t yet spoken about!)

113) What’s something you’ve always wanted to say to me but couldn’t?

114) Honestly speaking now, what do you think my major insecurities are?

This is a really interesting intimate question to ask your partner as it may reveal that they know you better than you even think…

But ONLY if they fully embrace these intimacy questions and share their honest answer, without any fears of offending you!

On that note – this will also test your communication skills as you and your partner need to try to articulate things in a way that doesn’t cause offence!

open up to your partner

Let’s Keep Them Coming…

115) What aspect of your appearance are you most sensitive about?

116) Has anyone ever said anything to you, that really hurt you, and has stuck with you to this day?

117) What do you think is the WORST emotion? What emotion do you dislike feeling the most?

118) What’s one big disappointment you’ve experienced, but can’t seem to forget?

119) What kind of things worry you the most? And what is the biggest “fear” about them, within that worry?

120) Is there anything I’ve ever done that inspired you?

121) In what ways can I make you feel heard in this relationship? And do you feel like I really listen to what you say, and take it all on board?

122) What are your “wants” vs. “needs” in life?

123) What are your “wants” vs. “needs” in a partner?

124) If we could go back and do one thing again in our relationship, what would you want us to do, and why? Would you want to re-live it, or simply do it differently? 

125) If you could alter one big decision you’ve made in your life, what would it be?

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner…

126) How do you think a person can create more, true happiness, in their life?

127) What makes you feel truly happy?

128) What has been the loneliest time of your life? And how do you deal with loneliness?

129) Before you met me, what would you say your perfect “type” was, “on paper”?

130) Is physical attraction an important part of whether you pursue a romantic relationship with someone? To what degree?

131) How fast do you think you are, to make judgements on a person (or a potential partner for that matter?)

132) How would you want me to describe you to other people? And how do you think I do describe you to other people?! What sort of things do you think that I say?

133) How much do I mean to you? (In words you haven’t expressed before.)

134) Would you ever / do you ever, genuinely check out other people? (Either with or without, any intent behind it.)

135) What do you think is and isn’t, unfaithful in a relationship?

136) Has there ever been a time you were close to cheating but decided against it?

intimacy questions for couples

Onto The Final Ones…

137) Do you think we met each other at the right time, when we were both in the right place, looking for the same things? (Truthfully.) And if not – how do you think that has impacted our relationship, or how do you think you / I were able to readjust?

138) Did you ever consider NOT dating me? And, why? / Why not?

139) How do you like to be complemented? And do you find it’s difficult / easy to take them? + why?

140) Are you aware of your own self-talk? Would you say it is more positive or negative? And why?

141) What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?

142) How well do you think you genuinely learn from your mistakes? (Both the big ones and the small ones!)

143) If you could choose to bring one fictional character to life, who would you choose and why?

144) Which fictional character can you relate to the most, and why?

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner…

145) What sort of things make you feel safe?

146) How comfortable / uncomfortable do you feel when lying? And what’s your views on lies – both as a whole, and their place in a relationship.

147) What are the happiest memories of your life so far?

148) What would you do if you won a million dollars?

(Genuine plan, not just dream talk! These are intimacy questions for couples after all, remember. So it’s more about focusing on the “serious stuff!”)

149) If you only had one year to live, what things would you want to do? How would you fully embrace it? (Once you’d worked through the shock, sadness and fear of course!)

150) What’s one thing you wish you could say to someone who’s no longer here?

That’s All For This One

So there we have it – 150 intimate questions to ask your partner, to get the inspiration flowing and help bring the two of you closer.

Remember, you can get ideas for intimacy questions for couples, but ultimately – these are best coming from you, asking the things that you specifically want to know, or talk about.

Either way, I hope this has helped. Good luck, and keep that communication open, honest, and flowing! Take care.

Love,
Ell_xx

Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner