How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

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Find that you’re often comparing yourself to others? Is it starting to knock your confidence down? Affect your relationships even? Then here’s how to stop comparing yourself to others. How to take back your control and feel completely happy in you – just the way that you are.

Why Do We Compare Ourselves To Others?

So before we look at how to stop comparing yourselves to others, I want to look at why you’re doing it anyway.

I mean, why are you comparing yourself to others? Why do we compare ourselves to others?

Well, fundamentally – comparisons are human nature. They allow us to form a baseline for where we are in life, how we are, who we are, and where / who we want to be.

They give us a way to measure ourselves – and so can actually be great for self improvement, progress, motivation and ultimately success. 

The thing is – some types of comparisons are healthier than others. Like – comparing yourself to your role model, comparing ourselves to others if it’s where we want to be.

It can whip you into shape – motivate and inspire you. You can also compare yourself to your former self. This is all good stuff!

how to feel happy in yourself

Unhealthy Comparisons

Whats not so healthy, is comparing yourself to others if you’re:

  1. Comparing your “behind the scenes” with someone else’s “highlight reel.”
  2. Comparing things you can’t change, or shouldn’t want / need to change.
  3. Trying to change yourself to be like someone else, and therefore allowing comparisons to make you lose who you truly are. (And by the way, you can use these questions to get to know yourself better to get clearer on who you are, at your true core.)
  4. Being harsh or overcritical on yourself. 
  5. Allowing it to knock your confidence or affect how you feel about yourself.

So why do we do things like that?

Well, it doesn’t help that social media has taken over so many of our lives. Social media can make it kind of difficult NOT to compare yourself to others, even if to some degree.

But negative comparisons also, fundamentally, come from insecurities or a lack of self worth and limited self love. And if you’re not careful, this can take over.

Small comparisons can turn into obsessions. They only strengthen the insecurity – make it bigger and bigger in your head. So let’s explore this further.

comparing your life to others

What Is It That You’re Comparing?

When you find yourself comparing yourself to other people – what is it that you typically compare? I mean, are you comparing…

1) Where You’re At? / What You Have?

Are you noticing the things others have in their life, that you don’t have and are feeling that “missing piece”? Or like you’re missing out because of things you don’t have?

Perhaps it’s the fact you don’t have a partner, your own home, a job you love (or are proud of), a family, the freedom to travel, maybe?

Do certain things like this “touch a nerve” because you’re not where you thought you’d be at this age, nor do you have everything you want?

I mean, do you feel like you’re behind on the key dating and relationship milestones and it’s getting to you, for instance?

2) How You Look?

Do you have physical insecurities? Things you don’t like about yourself? Things you scrutinise or are overly critical about?

Or do you just wish you looked a certain way? Feel like you don’t quite stack up? Wish there was things you could change?

Can’t quite feel confident in the way you look, no matter how much you try to?

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

3) A Particular Person?

This is also a big thing when it comes to comparing yourself to others – as sometimes, it’s actually an “obsession” with one particular person.

For instance, when it comes to dating and relationships – comparing yourself to your partners ex is common, especially if your self-esteem isn’t high and you don’t feel secure, or perhaps worthy even.

Am I as pretty as them? Do I have as good of a figure? What do they have that I don’t? Why aren’t I good enough? How can I compete / compare with that?

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Whatever it is that you find yourself constantly comparing, identifies an insecurity that you have.

Find the insecurity, understand where it’s coming from, and work to remove it. Because that’s how you stop comparing yourself to others, and that’s how you take your power back.
Forgetting Fairytales

Why Are You Comparing Yourself To Others?

What is it that you’re noticing about other people? What is it that you’re focusing on?

Then, what do you think about yourself when you compare? Where is this coming from? And what does it mean?

To create any kind of change in your life, awareness is key. Remember, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about – nothing to be ashamed of.

Just be honest with yourself and how you feel. Be honest with what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Because this kind of truth will then create the turning point.

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People

If you want to stop comparing yourself to other people not only do you want to be aware of what you’re doing, what you’re focusing on and where it’s coming from – but you then have to also work through it.

Awareness alone is not enough. So when it comes to how to stop comparing yourself to others, try to:

1) Challenge Your Thoughts

You know what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it when you find yourself comparing – but don’t then just accept it. Remind yourself of what you need to remind yourself of.  So it’s like…

Okay, I’m looking at this or thinking about them, I’m feeling a certain way, I recognise that. But actually – I’m wrong. This is just my insecurities coming out. I am strong, I am fierce, I am more than worthy. And I’m totally not focusing on anyone else but myself…

Anything that you believe when you find yourself comparing, that is not helpful or empowering – challenge it. Ask yourself:

  • Why am I thinking this?
  • How do I even know it’s true?
  • Would others say that it isn’t true?
  • What would they say to disagree with it?
  • How could I see it differently?
  • What am I going to believe instead?
  • What would make me feel good about this?

I highly recommend you grabbing one of these top self love books for women, as – within these – you actually have the tools to be able to answer and address, many of these questions.

feel happy in who you are

Decide To See Things Differently

See you can choose to see things in whatever way you want. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong?

After all, when you’re comparing yourself to others, it’s all subjective. This is just your opinion – which means it can actually be anything you like.

So why not change your opinion on yourself? Why not lift yourself up instead of knocking yourself down? It’s a choice. And that can be your choice – if you let it.

And by the way – that doesn’t mean you have to knock OTHERS down to try to make yourself feel better.

It just means that you’re not going to be so damn critical of yourself, and will instead, see things more positively and accurately.

2) Shift Your Focus

Whatever you focus on, you feel. This is powerful knowledge, it’s important to know.

So instead of focusing on someone else – what they have, what you don’t and looking at it that way – if you find yourself comparing to other people, push it away.

Get it out your mind. Decide you’re not even going to go there.

You know why you’re doing it. You’re not ignoring this. But you’re not giving it the time of day… every single day! There’s bigger fish to fry, better things to think about.

So when you feel yourself making those negative comparisons between yourself and other people:

  1. Discount it. Challenge it. Say, “You know what… that’s not even TRUE!”
  2. Then push it out your mind. Be done with it. Don’t even give it anymore time of your day.

I mean, is it really doing any good? Is it achieving anything? Is it helping it any way? No, no, and – that’s right – a great, big, mahoussive NO!

In fact, have a read of these empowering self love captions to spur you on even more. Find that FIGHT inside you, and fight for all the right reasons – for yourself, your happiness and your loved ones. (Because yes, this toxic comparing of yours, is having a knock-on effect!)

stop comparisons

How To Respond When You Find Yourself Comparing

So spot it. Squash it. And let it go. Focus on better things.

Have a bit of fun with it even – treat it like a game. You find yourself slipping into comparing? No, no, no, no. See how fast you can snap yourself out of it!

And remember – every time you squash a negative comparison, make sure you replace it with an empowering truth.

Otherwise you’ll find when you get to the stage of letting it go, you’re more likely to slip back. You’re left with emptiness instead of empowerment.

“I wish I looked more like her… Actually, scrap that. I’m not doing this. I am beautiful just the way I am!”

3) Big Yourself Up

We’re half way through the process – eek! Do you feel more confident about how to stop comparing yourself to other people? I hope so.

The first two steps really are key. But you can build on this further, by also adding in affirmations. See, affirmations are “the practice of positive thinking and self-empowerment.”

There are plenty of powerful affirmations you can use; from I Am Loved Affirmations, right the way to these empowering comparison affirmations.

But they’re very complementary when it comes to stopping yourself comparing. They lift you up, they shift your state and they reinforce the messages you want to believe.

How to feel happy in who you are

Affirmations To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

So for example, your affirmations to stop comparing yourself to others, may be ones like:

  • I am me. No-one else can be me. And that is my power.
  • I am becoming the best version of me. My journey is the one that matters.
  • My life matters. I matter. I am special and important.
  • Insecurity has no place in my heart or mind.
  • Jealousy has no place in my heart or mind.
  • I am better than this. I will be who I want to be – but the real me.
  • What is for me, will not miss me. And right now – I am more than enough.
  • I am strong, confident, beautiful and sexy. I back myself completely.

How To Develop Your Own

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking – but the best way to do this is to develop your own empowering phrases that you want to remember.

Then, repeat them to yourself every time you find that you’re comparing yourself to other people – or are slipping back into negative comparisons.

If you’re struggling to come up with your own affirmations, start by answering these self love questions, as they’ll make your powerful statements and phrases far easier to craft from there.

Then, once you have them – say them as much or as little as you need.

Write them down if you need. But you want to try to really embed these in your mind so that they become your beliefs and have a strong emotional affect.

In fact, if you do this properly – every time you say these empowering affirmations (whether it’s before / after you find yourself comparing or not), you’ll feel a boost of confidence. You’ll feel good in yourself.

It’s just about getting into the habit, training your brain – and truly believing it. That’s why your affirmations have to be important and personal to you.

comparing your life to others

4) Reduce The Temptation

I also want you to look at when and how you find yourself comparing. So – like we said – once of the biggest source for comparisons, is social media.

  • Find yourself stalking a new partners ex, and comparing yourself to them? Block them. Don’t even allow yourself to look. Or is it that you’re stalking your ex’s new girlfriend? Well, your ex should be blocked on social media too!
  • Comparing yourself to all the insta-perfect selfies you see on socials? Unfollow these kind of accounts. Most of these will be from people you don’t even know anyway – and you don’t need that in your feed! Fill it with accounts that uplift and inspire you!
  • Find yourself comparing your life to your friends – who all have partners, weddings, babies (which is what you want but don’t have)? Well, this one can be kind of tricky. But at the end of the day – you need to look after you. And if social media is getting you down, you don’t need to lose friends over it (you want to reach the point where you can be happy for them too, without feeling things like this), so maybe it’s time to freeze / delete social media for a little while?

There will of course be other situations where you find yourself comparing.

But wherever you can – do what you can to reduce it. Make it easier for yourself. Put yourself and your wellbeing first.

Don’t care about how it looks or what anyone else may be thinking – that sort of mentality is what’s making all of this worse in the first place. Instead, do what’s best for you… and be happy with it.

This is your life. No-one else’s. You decide what you do and don’t have in your world.

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

5) Keep Working On You

Last but not least then, when it comes to how to stop comparing yourself to others, you have to keep working on yourself – becoming who you want to be and creating the life that you want.

The better you feel in yourself, the less you’ll find that you compare yourself to others.
Forgetting Fairytales

Don’t look at others with envy. Focus on you. Yes you want to brush away that unreasonable thinking – those negative thoughts that are telling you that someone is better or you’re not enough.

But you also need to know that you can be or feel exactly the way you want.

Anything that anyone else has, you can have too. Yes, it may not happen straight away. And actually, you need to decide if it’s really that important to you and if it’s truly what you want – because anyone who has anything, will have made sacrifices or taken action to get it.

But you can literally be or do anything. Genuinely.

Just decide what you want, decide who you want to be. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, with the right motivation and working on what actually feels like you. Then commit to making it happen.

Use this self improvement challenge to get you started!

Just make sure, when you’re doing this – you’re not focusing so far on where / who you want to be and instead are enjoying the journey of development. You’re also not comparing yourself to others in the process – otherwise, you’re not actually escaping it.

Commit to self improvement. Become the best version and the true version of you. And feel happy in yourself. Happy in who you are. Because that’s fundamentally how to beat comparisons.

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Empowering Comparing Yourself To Others Quotes

I want to leave you now, with some quotes on comparing yourself to others. Pick one, write it down, and save it on your phone or write it out and stick it on your bedroom wall. 

If it empowers you, and you’re really committed to escaping the toxic cycle – put it somewhere that this can remind you. Really focus on it now.

  • “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our “behind the scenes” with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
  • “Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it’s only when you accept everything that you are & everything that you aren’t – that you will truly be happy in life.”
  • “A flower does not think of competing against the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
  • “Confidence isn’t walking into a room and thinking you’re better than everyone. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.”
  • “Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute spent wasting your own.”
  • “Comparison is the thief of joy. Run your own race. Focus on your own journey. No-one else’s matters.”
Comparing Yourself To Others Quote
  • “The most important things in life are internal, not external. Don’t let anyone or anything else fool you otherwise.”
  • “Your story is unique. Different. It’s not worthy of comparison.”
  • “Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you. Nobody else could be you, even if they tried. So stop losing yourself by comparing yourself to other people. Stop knocking yourself down. You are unique. You are beautiful. And you are so worthy of everything you want and more.”
  • “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”
  • “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
  • “Before comparing yourself with others, win the battle with yourself. Strive to be better today, than yesterday. And better tomorrow than today.”
  • “When you realise your true power, your true beauty, those illusions of other people being better than you will all start to fade away…”

That’s All For This One

So there we have it. That rounds up how to stop comparing yourself to others.

But don’t just read this article – use this process, really start to apply it in your life. Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is only power when applied.

You can do this. And when you do – you’ll feel far more happier and confident than ever before.

Take care! Good luck!


How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
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Ella Stearn
Ell is a Breakup, Dating & Relationship Specialist & Coach, with over 3 million annual readers, globally. As the Creator of Forgetting Fairytales, her mission is to help you learn to love yourself, find the right person to give your love to, then make it a love that truly lasts.

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