So you’ve got your sneaky suspicions that the guy you’re dating is still hung up on someone else? You’re concerned. You don’t want to be a re-bound, nor do you want to invest your time in someone who isn’t in the same place as you. So in this post, we’re going to get super clear on the signs he’s not over his ex – so you can spot it and better decide what to do.
Signs He’s Not Over His Ex
Here’s some of the key signs he’s not over his ex.
Remember, individually – they may not necessarily mean what you think…
But if quite of these start to sound familiar, you may want to reassess where you’re at and whether this is actually a good time to get involved with this person.
After all, you don’t want to be a rebound, and you deserve A LOT better than that!
So keep your eye out, and don’t compromise on it…
15 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex
1) He Mentions Her All The Time
It’s normal to talk about past experiences in a relationship, a good thing even.
But if you find he KEEPS mentioning her, keeps pulling her into conversations and bringing things back to his ex, it’s a surefire warning sign.
- Maybe you’re doing something and he starts speaking not just about something similar he did – but the fact that he did it with his ex.
- Or you leave your house keys in the front door and he just has to tell you that his ex always used to do that and that it drives him crazy!
- Or maybe you’re going out for drinks and you challenge him to shots and – you guessed it – he ends up telling you about the time he had one too many with his ex.
Like really? Do you need to know about that? No. No you don’t. But she’s on his mind. And really, she shouldn’t be. So it’s no wonder you’re sick of hearing about her!
2) He Compares The Two Of You
Just like if he constantly brings her into conversation, another major sign he’s not over his ex is when he starts comparing you to her.
So you may find he compares:
- The way you act / things you do. This may be both similarities and / or differences.
- The kind of relationship that the two of you have (And how it’s so much better than his last… Not that it’s relevant anymore. And hey – why does it seem like he has something to prove?!)
- The things you do & the memories that brings back.
No-one wants to be compared. This is meant to be a fresh start. The beginning of something new and exciting between the two of you.
So his ex definitely shouldn’t come into it, but it shows she’s still on his mind.
3) He Won’t Speak About Her At All
On the flip side, he may struggle to speak about his ex at all.
Maybe he gets angry, upset, uncomfortable, cagey or outright refuses to talk about her. Perhaps it’s all a bit too raw. He’s hurting after the breakup… May actually feel quite miserable.
But if he thinks speaking about his ex is too much – if she comes up in conversation or you get onto the topic of past relationships and ask a question – it’s a major sign he may not be over her.
After all, there’s still feelings that he hasn’t really dealt with and so is now simply trying to push aside.
You can’t help but feel for him to a degree. But it’s not good for you either. And certainly shouldn’t be getting involved as that’s when it will all start to become messy and it will be YOUR feelings that then get hurt.
4) He Isn’t Sure What He Wants
If a guys giving you mixed signals, says he’s unsure what he wants or isn’t 100% clear on what he’s looking for or where he’s at – not only does it mean that no, he’s not ready for something serious (because he’d know if he was) but it can also be an indicator that he’s not over his ex.
Not always. You can just be single, enjoy being single, be in a pretty good place, but just not ready for something more. So this one needs to be matched against other signs to show it’s significance on this topic. But it certainly happens often.
Either way however – if you know what you want and you start dating someone who doesn’t – don’t try to convince him.
The right person for you, will know. They’ll see your value and be ready for you. So don’t waste time with someone who isn’t in the same place.
5) He Hasn’t Been Single That Long
One of the easier signs that show he’s not over his ex, is when he hasn’t been single that long.
Or – on a similar note – hasn’t been single for very long in relation to the length of time he was with his ex, or the intensity of his past relationship.
For instance, let’s say he was with someone for 6 years and his ex ended things because she fell out of love with him…
Even if 6 months has passed – unless he’s dealt with that heartbreak, spent some time on his own, reflected, come to terms with it, properly grieved (etc) – then there’s a good chance he won’t be over her. Or at the very least – over what happened.
On the flip side, you could meet a guy who has only been single a month, but only had a 6 month relationship – that wasn’t really going anywhere – and so is more than ready for the “real deal” now. (And that’s totally legit!)
Now, you could get a guy who was with someone for 6 years and in 6 months time, he says he is over his ex and ready to move on…
But in this case, let’s say the relationship was beyond repair for a while before it was officially over. Or he focused fully on healing properly, in which case, he 100% could be in the position to move on now… But the work has to be done.
And that’s the thing – you want to date people in a strong, healthy place, ready to meet someone new so the biggest thing to look out for, is if this is the case with this guy you’re dating now.
This leads me onto my next point…
6) He’s Unable To Be By Himself
Overdating, serial dating, excessive dating and failure to properly deal with heartbreak – these are just different ways to say the same thing…
Because you know what it means? Avoidance.
He’s unable to face up to what happens, reluctant to feel his emotions around that.
It’s not good. Not good at all. And is often a sign that he’s not over his ex because he just can’t face dealing with it properly and hasn’t allowed himself to.
He thinks that by finding someone else, it will take the pain away. The thing is, it’s not quite that simple. It doesn’t work like that.
So make sure you don’t fall into the trap of being “just another number.” He needs to be in the right headspace, and unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to help with this.
He has to do it himself and – if these signs he’s not over his ex start to add up, yet he’s still actively dating you – it’s likely that he’s just not.
7) He’s Full On With You, And Fast
So maybe he hasn’t been serial dating. Maybe he has been single a little while, had that space and time alone – but then the two of you meet and he’s full on… fast.
You start to wonder if you’re a rebound. This sucks, I know. But don’t take it personally.
Maybe you also find that he shows a lot of PDA when you’re out at your local, or is including you on his story on social media then tracking it to see who’s seen.
Is it just for show? Is he trying to get a reaction – make someone jealous? Maybe…
See, if he’s full on with you fast, it can certainly be one of the signs he’s not over his ex. Whether that’s because he’s trying to use you to get over her, or make her jealous to try to get her back.
Whatever the reason – being full on too fast, is a red flag. In all situations. It’s a sign of love-bombing too, you see. So it isn’t something that should be ignored!
8) He’s Reserved & Struggles To Let You In
On the flip side then, you might find that he’s not really letting you in. He’s struggling to open up, struggling to allow that connection to grow in a deeper level.
It could be because he’s afraid of getting hurt, and that may link to him not being fully over his ex.
It could also be completely unrelated. I mean, maybe he’s got an avoidant attachment style, or had a difficult upbringing which makes him the way he is now.
But it’s worth weighing up. It’s worth trying to explore why he’s not letting you in.
After all, this one particularly starts to add up if he’s unable to talk about his ex, has been dating around since the breakup, and it hasn’t been that long.
You see? So you have to tie all the signs he’s not over his ex, together, to get the full picture of what’s happening in this situation.
9) He Can’t Fully Say If He’s Over Her
If you ask him if he’s over his ex, he doesn’t quite give a strong or convincing answer or beats about the bush when trying to answer.
Maybe he says he will always have “feelings” of some sort, but he “thinks” he’s over her.
Or maybe he says he’s pretty sure that he is, but you aren’t quite buying it because his face says otherwise.
It’s tough I know, and not what you want to hear, but you have to hear it. You can’t tell yourself otherwise or stop yourself from facing up to the truth.
So long as many of the other signs ring true, and it’s not just YOUR fears, seeping through.
(After all, it’s worth noting here, that if you’ve had bad experiences in the past when it comes to dating and relationships, you may therefore look out for – and consequently see – risks / dangers / worries that aren’t actually there… Or don’t need to be anyway.
So make sure you, yourself are in the right place for this too, and aren’t letting your past sabotage your chances of a happy future relationship.)
10) He Still Speaks To / See’s His Ex
It’s completely possible to be friends with an ex, but there’s a line.
The odd message on social media, wishing the other person a happy birthday, or saying a friendly hello in the street – that’s probably fine.
But if they check in with each other regularly, reminisce about the old times, actively meet up, that’s one of the biggest signs he’s not over his ex.
He should be moving on, not clinging onto the past, unable to let go of what he had.
If this is the case, steer clear my friends, steer well clear. You don’t want to get in the middle of that, nor should he think it’s okay for you to have to.
Now, this is a big topic in itself, so a couple of recommended reads to build on this further, include:
11) He Can’t Tell You Why They Weren’t Right
This is another tricky one here, but if he can’t tell you why him and his ex broke up, or why he and his ex weren’t right for each other, it’s a major warning sign.
Maybe he was the one who was dumped, it wasn’t his choice. Or – even if it was – the reason he tells you, doesn’t really seem particularly valid.
There’s no deal-breakers, nothing there that couldn’t be worked through / fixed. Or maybe he can’t tell you a valid reason at all…
But he can’t tell you that he doesn’t love her anymore. Nor can he see why the two of them weren’t right for each other.
Now there could be a chance that he’s just unaware or – pretty oblivious to what was going on. The breakup DID throw him. But what you need to make sure is:
- He’s accepted it and is over it.
- He definitely doesn’t want to get back with her now, either way.
- You’re confident that he will gain clarity over why things weren’t meant to be with his ex, in time.
- Or – you’re pretty sure this is just his character – he doesn’t need the clarity. It is what it is, and now it’s done, but he’s okay with that…
You see? So if he’s not sure why they ended, or can’t tell you why they weren’t right, you definitely need to confirm some other things to gain the confidence that he’s not still hung up on his ex and it won’t actually affect your new flourishing relationship now.
12) He Knows What’s Going On In His Ex’s Life
Maybe he asks mutual friends about her, is still in touch with her family, checks in on her, follows (or maybe stalks!) her on social media.
But an ex should be an ex for a reason. They should be in the past and stay in the past. He shouldn’t really know, not want to know / particularly care what’s going on in her life.
So if he’s keeping tabs on her, instead of focusing on his own stuff, it’s a strong sign he’s not over her… Not completely, anyway.
It’s then for you to weigh up to what degree and whether you want to keep pursuing a relationship with someone in that place.
13) He’s Deleted / Kept All of Their Photos
When it comes to ex’s – anything of extreme can be a bit of a warning sign.
So maybe he’s deleted every single photo of her / them together, wiped them off his social media channels – cannot bear to look at what they had.
On the flip side, maybe he’s unable to let go. He’s kept the soppy posts, has every single one of his photos – still kept on his phone, including the ones just of his ex, the ones he doesn’t even really need.
He’s struggling to move on – whether he likes to admit it or not.
Unfortunately it can be a big sign that he’s not over his ex. Especially when the emotional attachment is still there too – the excessive talking about her, the comparisons.
It all starts to add up. And that’s what you want to look out for. What picture is all of this building? And are these signs he’s not over his ex, ringing true?
14) He’s Not Totally Himself
Another sign he’s not over his ex, is if he can’t fully be himself.
Now this may be a tricky one, depending on how long you’ve known him and how well you know him. But even when it’s early days – if you’re a perceptive person – you’ll notice when someone doesn’t seem 100% or entirely happy.
See he’ll probably be a little unpredictable, as will his moods be. His emotional state is likely to be a bit all over the place.
It could be about something else, multiple things even, or it could be related to his ex.
But don’t forget – we should all date when we are mentally ready – when we’re able to be the best versions of ourselves. And when things are still too raw after a breakup, that’s practically impossible.
So it may be that this guys just pushing himself too much, too soon; without even realising. And unfortunately it’s for you to have to try to pick up on and take control over from there…
15) He Blows Hot & Cold
Last but not least then, the final sign I want to mention here, is the fact that if he’s not over his ex – he’s likely to blow hot and cold with you.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a jerk. He could also very-well still be interested in you, but it’s this internal battle.
Maybe it feels like he’s playing you, messing you around or wasting your time.
See, he’s confused. He feels conflicted. He’s finding all of this quite difficult. But he needs to deal with it properly, otherwise it’s not fair on you.
Is He Still Hung Up On His Ex?
Now these are some of the signs he’s not over his ex, but they could also instead be signs that he’s not over the situation.
See it may not be that he necessarily misses his ex – but more that he misses what the two of them had.
There’s a difference, you see? Maybe she was a big part of his life and he’s struggling to fully readjust. Or perhaps he wasn’t able to gain closure, which is why he’s finding it difficult to let go.
Try to talk to him about it – but without getting upset, angry or making it about you. You want to create a sense of openness. An easier environment for him to be honest with you. Because ultimately – you just need to know what the deal is.
See, we all know how hard breakups can be. And maybe you met this guy too early. Maybe right now, it isn’t the right time for things to process further.
And sure, that may hurt a little, it may be disappointing. But remember – it’s nothing to take personally, it’s no reflection on you and isn’t it better to know?
You want to find out early on if he’s not quite over his ex, so that you can then make a more informed decision about what to do from here…
What To Do If He’s Not Over His Ex
If all the signs are showing he’s not over his ex, then I recommend clicking through to this post for “what to do if he’s not over his ex.”
It will make the whole process far easier to get your head around – plus show you that, whatever happens from here, it will all work out okay.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t mean you have to cut him out of your life completely, or that whatever is there between the two of you, can’t be revisited at a later date.
You just need to protect yourself, protect your heart.
The last thing you want to do is end up being a rebound, or getting involved in someone who isn’t ready for something serious with you, or will only end up messing you around.
So show kindness, but also keep that self-respect. Know your own worth. Know what you do and don’t want.
Sometimes you just have to make the hard decisions if you know that will benefit you in the long run.
So hold that head up high, do what you have to do, and be proud that you’re facing the truth – aren’t hiding away from this.
Hope that helps. Take care!
Love,
Ell_xx
