“Is he wasting my time? Is this really going to go anywhere? Do we actually want the same thing?” Well first off – if these kind of questions are going through your head, that in itself is NOT a good sign! But how else do you know if there’s potential with someone, or it could just be leading to a dead end? Here’s 10 signs he’s wasting your time…
How To Know If He’s Wasting Your Time
We’re going to run through the key signs he’s wasting your time. Find yourself reading through saying yes, yes and ummm YES?! Then girl, you’ve got to get out – because this is going to be a recipe for disaster if you’re catching feelings and want something more long-term or serious.
Don’t worry, it’s nothing to be disheartened about, and certainly nothing to take personally. You just can’t bury your head in the sand hoping for a change of heart or a new development that – unfortunately – probably isn’t going to come.
Just know, if it’s right, it will happen. If it’s not, it won’t. In which case, onwards and upwards. Agreed? Okay. Let’s jump in then. Here’s the signs he’s wasting your time…
10 Signs He’s Wasting Your Time
1) He Blows Hot and Cold
One day he seems interested – he’s putting the effort, being responsive, initiating dates, expressing interest… Then a couple of days later it’s like you’re non-existent. Messages left on read (yet of course he’s always frickin’ online!), a shortness in replies and a hell of a lot of confusion.
It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs – closeness then disconnect. You’re hanging on for dear life, with no clue of what to expect from one day to the next. It’s not particularly healthy.
And sure – sometimes we have to take responsibility. Perhaps in some cases it could be that we’re reading into things too much or getting too heavily invested to the point that we become over-sensitive. But on the flip side, your gut often knows.
If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t right, and when this consistently happens, it’s a surefire sign he’s wasting your time because you’re merely an option. There’s no consistency. This leads me onto my next point…
2) He’s Flakey
You’ll make plans and he’ll cancel last minute, or you’ll want to make plans and he’s reluctant to get anything in the diary.
We spoke about this when we ran through the signs he’s a player, but that’s not always the only reason. It could also be that he’s just not that interested or he’s busy and – quite simply – you’re not a priority… Which is fine. But it’s not the right foundations for the start of something special.
Dating shouldn’t be one-sided. It needs to be a mutual thing, with both people putting in the same amount of effort.
If you’re being messed around and not getting the same back, let go. Because I promise you – there are a hell of a lot of other people out there who would love the opportunity to get to know you further… and be willing to put the time into doing that. So don’t lower your standards my friends, because you’ll reach the point where you just find it DRAINING!
3) He Plays Hard To Get
The thrill of the chase can be alluring to begin with – but there’s a difference between doing it initially to not come on too strong, and doing it consistently because he’s just playing games with you.
This act isn’t because he WANTS you, it’s because he doesn’t really care about you and it’s just a bit of fun to him. Obviously there are exceptions, but game-playing is one of the biggest signs he’s wasting you time.
Sometimes he feels hard to get because he IS hard to get and that’s because he probably doesn’t want the same things as you or isn’t in the same place.
I know you like him, and the relationship is rewarding at times, but is it really worth it if it won’t eventually lead where you want or be everything you want it to be? I don’t think so…
4) You Don’t Know Where You Stand
Love shouldn’t be hard. You’ll face challenges, for sure. But the process of falling in love should be an enjoyable one. And yes, sometimes you can be your own worst enemy (that’s a whole separate topic!) but the right person will work with you to make it easier.
You should know how this person feels and where you stand. It doesn’t need to be and certainly shouldn’t be, complicated. If you don’t believe the things he’s saying because his actions don’t match his words, or he’s reluctant to express how he feels (either choosing not to open up or telling you he’s not sure) – then you’re better to give the relationship chance to breath and see if he comes back…
Or more importantly, how you feel when he comes back (because they often do!), once you’ve seen the situation for what it really was.
5) He Tells You He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious
On the flipside, you need to know you’re wasting your time if he flat-out tells you he doesn’t want anything serious or isn’t ready for a relationship. LISTEN TO WHAT HE’S SAYING. Don’t cling onto the hope that “maybe” he’ll change his mind, he just has to “realise what he has with you.”
No, no, no, no, no. That makes the dynamics all wrong for starters, and you’re not there to convince anyone of your worth or value. Let it go. Move on. Find someone who is ready. Because the chances are, he still just has a lot of growing up to do!
Trust me on this one – if a guy tells you he doesn’t want more, he doesn’t want more. He wouldn’t tell you that if he didn’t mean it, because think about it – what would he gain from telling you? It doesn’t work in his favour. He’s telling you it because it’s true, so I know it’s disappointing but you have to accept it.
6) It’s Always You Putting In The Effort
We touched on this very briefly above, but I want to highlight it properly… I think it deserves it’s own place in this list!
- Are you always starting the conversation?
- Are you the one initiating dates?
- Is it always you asking about him, and his life, and how he’s doing – without him really taking much interest back in you?
If someone is interested in you, they’ll WANT to know more about you – they’ll naturally ask questions, they’ll genuinely want to see how you are, they take an interest in what you’re up to, what you care about, what your thoughts are on different things.
Take a step back so that you can better take note of the situation. See what happens if you don’t put in quite the same amount of effort. Do things fizzle out?
It may not even be a lack of interest, but more-so a lack of ‘ability’ in the fact that you’re carrying the relationship because he’s not quite on the same level as you. But you have to distance yourself in order to be able to see!
This links nicely to my next point…
7) The Relationship is One Dimensional
One of the signs he’s wasting your time is if the relationship you have doesn’t give you everything you need… and that’s not necessarily his fault (unless again, it’s down to a lack of effort!)
Ultimately however, it’s unlikely to go somewhere if he doesn’t share his true self, you feel like you’re not getting to know him properly, he seems unwilling to open up in any way and there’s no investment in you or the relationship, emotionally.
On the flip side to this point, if a guy is just offloading all his feelings, emotions and troubles, there’s then the chance that he’s using you as a crutch which is again, a waste of time. You have to find someone who’s in the same place as you, looking for the same things, if you want it to be able to progress.
This is really important to remember. You want a relationship, not a project.
8) There’s Too Much Openness
Too much openness, you might ask? Is there really such a thing? Well yes. If he talks about other girls, points out other girls, brings up his ex’s, it’s really not a good sign.
It shows he probably doesn’t see you as anything serious, or isn’t ready for anything serious. Either that, or he’s a bit of a womaniser in which case it’s a MASSIVE sign you’re wasting your time! [[ Click here for how to spot a f*ckboy ]]
There may also be too much openness from your side – where you’re able to talk about other dates or past experiences with your ex and there’s just no care at all. A little bit of jealousy can actually be a good thing because it shows you mean something to the person. No care? No feelings? Then girl, you know what to do…
9) He’s Still Actively Dating
Now this may not be relevant, depending on how long the two of you have been “seeing” each other, but if it’s going well, things are progressing nicely, yet he’s still SEARCHING for someone, whilst you’re CLOSING OFF other options, then it’s a huge sign the two of you aren’t on the same page.
It might be just a miscommunication, or a lack of understanding of where the two of you are at – or, it could be that either 1) he doesn’t want the same thing as you and isn’t ready to settle down, or 2) you’re not quite what he’s looking for which is why he’s still looking elsewhere.
Either way, have the discussion about it, see how he responds and how he feels in comparison to you. When it comes to dating, it should actually be a progression of two people just naturally becoming exclusive because the interest isn’t there for anyone else.
Sometimes this doesn’t always happen (for a number of reasons however) so if you notice he’s still active on dating apps, and the two of you have been dating for a fair while now, don’t be shy to ask why.
10) Your Relationship Isn’t Really Progressing
You’re stuck in the same place, not growing closer, not learning anymore about one another, not taking any steps forward when it comes to commitment. When you try to talk about it, he’s likely to deflect, give vague answers or say that there’s “nothing wrong.” However, you know deep down if something does or doesn’t feel right.
A relationship should be fulfilling, exciting, meeting your needs. If it’s not giving you everything you want and you can’t talk things through to get a resolution that works for the both of you, then it may well just be a waste of time.
If It Doesn’t Feel Right, It Probably Isn’t…
So there we have it, 10 signs he’s wasting your time. One final nugget of advice to leave you with? Always trust your instincts and go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t and if you know – deep down – this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, you can’t ignore it. It will only break down later down the line (if it even reaches that point) which creates more pain in the long-run.
For instance, it’s normal to feel anxious and excited at the beginning of a relationship but you shouldn’t feel like you have to make an effort to be interesting or attractive to him once the two of you have already gotten to know each other pretty well.
If you feel like you’re constantly trying to bring your A-Game to win him over and you can’t get comfortable in the situation that you’re in, then girl, you need to find someone who makes you like you are enough. Otherwise, it’s not just HIM wasting your time, but you wasting your own too.
Never stay just because you’re COMFORTABLE or scared of change. You’re stronger than you think and worth far more than you give yourself credit for. Hope this helps.
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