How do you know if a guy you’re dating, or have matched with on a dating app, is genuinely single? What are the signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend? And how can you know whether or not he’s actually single, for sure?!
See, we’re not talking about a miscommunication here. Or when you meet someone and you wonder if they’re single or not.
We’re looking – specifically – at the signs you’re dating someone, or are actively speaking to someone (presuming that they’re single) but they do in fact, secretly have a girlfriend. (Yikes!)
Now I know what you’re thinking – “does this really happen all that often?!”
Well, it’s more common than you think, especially if you use dating apps. (Where we can get more accurate insights to the actual figures!)
I mean, it’s said that 42% of people on the dating app, Tinder, already have a partner…
Uh huh, research claims that 30% of Tinder users surveyed are married, while another 12% are in a relationship. Pretty shocking right?!
Nearly half of all users aren’t even single… Yet the vast majority certainly wouldn’t say.
Now of course, if you find people on some of the more serious dating apps, the stats are likely to be less.
You’re more likely to find people who want something serious and are able to have something that can progress in that direction when you pick the right platforms.
But it’s still good to be aware of the signs a guy has secretly got a girlfriend – just in case.
So whether you match with someone online, or meet someone by chance, out and about, here’s the key (sneaky little!) signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend…
Typical Signs He’s Secretly Got a Girlfriend
So, what kind of things do you want to look out for, when it comes to the signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend? Well of course, there’s the more “typical” signs, like:
- If you go over to his house, and he says no females live with him… yet there’s feminine hygiene products in the bathroom (for example.) Suss, or what?!
- Or, you find things at his place or in his car, that are not yours but definitely belong to a woman.
- You could even know about “an ex”, and think she’s a RECENT ex, but all the little clues start to add up that they haven’t actually split up, at all, and are very much still together. (Even if they are going through a rocky patch and he doesn’t love her anymore… That still doesn’t make it okay!)
But what do you do if you’re not at that stage with a guy just yet? What about the smaller, earlier signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend? How can you tell, without the big giveaways?
Well, that’s where our sneaky little signs come in…
10 (Sneaky!) Signs He’s Secretly Got a Girlfriend
In no particular order, here’s some of the LESS obvious signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend now then. See you want to be able to notice things like, the fact that…
1) He Seems Too Good To Be True
Now sometimes people come into your life and they genuinely do feel like they’ve been sent from heaven.
They’re one in a million, and treat you the way you want to, and make you feel the way you want to. (It’s amazing, and I know this as it happened to me, when I met my partner!)
However, if a guy secretly has a girlfriend, he’s not going to feel “too good to be true” in that respect.
Instead, it’s almost like he’s TOO perfect or has everything together TOO much. (Particularly in the early days anyway.)
But think about it – he’s not on dating apps looking for something genuine. His heart isn’t on the line here.
Yes, there’s a risk of his girlfriend finding out and yes, he’s probably having issues in his relationship which brought him onto dating apps to begin with…
But he’s not bogged down by dating like many people who are genuinely looking for love.
He’s doing it for an ego boost. He’s doing it to remove his loneliness. And so what he / wants needs is not really a lot.
He’s also not going to be himself fully or truly open up. (After all, would you really want to speak to him if you knew he wasn’t even single?!)
So he chooses what to share, he uses this as an escape, he’s showing you what he wants to, and so unsurprisingly – he’s appearing in a way that could be quite perfect, but seems too perfect too.
2) He Won’t Meet You
One of the BIGGEST signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend, is if he won’t meet you. You’ve been speaking a lot – for days, weeks or (sometimes) even months, and it’s:
- Always YOU bringing up the two of you meeting.
- Then, always HIM giving crappy excuses for why he can’t or it’s hard to right now.
This is confusing, and doesn’t make sense to you, as you’re already investing so much time into seeing each other, it makes sense to actually meet. Right? Well yes, this is right.
But for him – it’s a risk. He thinks (somehow) if he’s not meeting, he’s not “cheating.”
But of course, there’s different types of infidelity including an emotional affair (which he is definitely breaking here, by speaking to you!)
The thing is, even if you get frustrated at the fact he doesn’t want to meet, he won’t be scared enough of losing you, because he always KNEW this could never last forever anyway…
The sad thing is, you didn’t know that, and he’s just completely wasted your time. (Groan. People can really suck sometimes, can’t they?)
If He Does Meet You…
3) He Won’t Bring You To His Home (Or Even Hometown)
Now if he does (finally!) decide to meet you (because it’s never usually easy), he’ll usually not meet you on “his turf.”
I mean, think about it – he’s trying to have a secret life here, he won’t feel comfortable going out and about with you, when someone could see the two of you.
Taking you to his home COULD work, if he doesn’t live with his girlfriend, but there’s still then the “risks” of:
- Someone seeing you car.
- Someone seeing you arrive or leave.
- You wanting to go out… and then being seen.
- You seeing something of his girlfriend’s at his.
It’s all rather difficult, right?! (And this is why people shouldn’t live double lives!)
It is however, why long distance dating increases the chances of someone having another secret relationship on the side… As it’s then easier to hide.
Regardless, if he’s secretive and wants to keep you well clear of where he lives, it’s not a good sign, and you may have to ask yourself, “why?!”
If He Does Meet You…
4) He’s Secretive With His Phone
Now I don’t want to create paranoia in you, so remember to read ALL of the signs he secretly has a girlfriend and see how many ring true, instead of fixating on one or two and convincing yourself that that’s definitely what’s going on here! It’s not, not always…
But a sign he COULD secretly be in another relationship, has to be if he’s being secretive with his phone. See, you’d notice things like:
- He’ll NEVER get his phone out with you. (Is he being a gentleman, or is he just making sure I can’t see anything?!)
- This includes not really wanting to get it out to take pictures with you. This is because he won’t know what will pop up and what you could find out. There’s also the fact he knows it’s not likely to go long-term and photos with you becomes “evidence” so there’s no benefit of him taking them. For a similar reason…
- If his phone rings he never answers. Or if he does, he says he needs to take the call privately and walks away… But looks shifty about it!
- Or you’ll hear texts come through (perhaps incessantly at times) but he still won’t ever check them in front of you.
Signs He’s Secretly Got a Girlfriend
What other signs are there that he’s secretly got a girlfriend? Well…
5) He Chooses When He Speaks
If he’s secretly got a girlfriend, you’ll usually find he tends to call all the shots!
He chooses when he speaks, which means one night – he could be super chatty, the next – he could disappear for hours (if not days), only to pop back up when it suits him again.
Now if he doesn’t disappear completely, you may, instead, find that there’s stages where he seems super into you, and stages where he barely speaks and seems short / distant.
This is usually dependent on his relationship and what’s going on with it or whether he’s with his girlfriend at the time or not…
For instance, if a guy doesn’t live with his girlfriend but she still stays over some days, you’ll find he’s chatty when he’s not with her, and not chatty (at all) when he is. (Of course!)
This is because of the practicalities. On the flip side – but an also similar note –
6) He Plays Hot & Cold
Unlike seeming hot and cold with you, depending on whether or not he can speak to you (based on whether or not he’s with his girlfriend at that time), he may also be hot and cold with you because he’s torn, confused and doesn’t know what he wants!
For instance, when he and his girlfriend are getting on better or seem closer, he may pull back from you. But then, when he gets disinterested or they argue, he’ll come on stronger with you again – drawn to you more.
It’s not fair… Not fair on anyone. Which is why you have to try to get to the bottom of things and spot whether he does secretly have a girlfriend or not.
7) He’s Flakey or Inconsistent
Another similar sign that he MIGHT secretly have a girlfriend, is if he’s flakey and inconsistent.
So maybe he cancels dates last minute with lame excuses, or stands you up… then tries to make it up to you. (But it’s just not good enough!)
Ultimately, you don’t really know where you stand with him and his behaviour is confusing!
8) Your Conversations Are Usually Surface Level
Do you feel like you’re getting to know this guy, but not TRULY getting to know the REAL him? Do you feel like you’re connecting, but not connecting FULLY, or not on as deep of a level as you really want to?
Are your conversations a little surface level? Or it feels like he’s just saying all the right things? Or the things he THINKS he should say?
Then there’s a good chance he’s got his guard up, or is keeping things at a slight distance… And this could be for a number of reasons.
See it could be that he’s been hurt badly in the past, and so keeps people at arms length. Or perhaps he’s putting on an act, a pretence, to try to impress (which usually ultimately roots from low self esteem.)
It could even simply be that he’s not great at dating or communicating, which is why you feel you’re not getting much out of him…
OR: it could be one of the signs he secretly has a girlfriend and this is just an escape, a distraction for him – so he won’t and can’t really reveal all about himself.
Just remember: don’t jump to conclusions here, but instead, become aware of all of the signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend, to better piece together and conclude, what the situation most likely is!
Also remember: there’s heaps of different questions to ask when dating so conversation really shouldn’t ever run dry!
9) There’s No Signs of Socials
An interesting sign he may secretly have a girlfriend, is if he says he doesn’t have social media (which is fine), but he also keeps you separate from his friends, you haven’t met any of his friends & he keeps photos (and well, everything) rather hidden!
See, nowadays – almost everyone is online. In fact, only 4.1% of internet users are not active social media users, which means 95.9% of people ARE!
So if he’s one of the very few people with 0 online traces… but then he’s also very secretive and wants to share as little personal information as he can – it’s definitely something to get those suspicious-bells ringing!
Note: This is again, made far easier, if he’s from a different area and you have no mutual friends!
10) He Never Speaks About Things Progressing
The final sign he may secretly have a girlfriend is if he never speaks about, or shows any indication of, your relationship progressing and / or, you don’t see it going that way either.
Whether you want it to or not, you know that there’s something off about this guy, you have your concerns (already) about whether he’s genuine or not… and, all in all, your wants / needs are just not being met.
From his side, he knows that this “relationship” is based on a pretty big lie. And besides – he’s most likely not in the position to want – or be ready for – anything serious right now, so he’s certainly not going to bring up any relationship talk…
Does He Secretly Have a Girlfriend?
So there’s 10+ key signs he’s secretly got a girlfriend, to keep you fully clued on to what different things mean and what could be going on.
Remember, just because you read this and these things sound familiar, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s 100% true or that he really DOES have a girlfriend that you don’t know about.
I mean, some of these signs are also the sign of a shy guy who doesn’t have the courage to yet meet you (but wants the “company” and is enjoying your conversation), or someone who’s not quite ready to date yet and so is torn…
It’s like the phrase – sometimes you can add 1+1 and get 4. But that’s why you have to piece it altogether and come up with the most logical, most likely, explanation.
And regardless, you should also ask yourself:
Is this what I really want anyway? Is this how I deserve to be treated? Am I even gaining that much from continuing this? Or am I just wasting my time here?
Be mindful. Recognise the signs. Be able to take a step back. And NEVER SETTLE. Never, never, never. Because there is someone out there who will treat you the way you truly deserve.
I hope this helps. Wishing you all the best!