So, you want to move in with a partner? You spend heaps of time together anyway, so you figured it makes sense, right? Well, most probably. But let’s just be sure! In this post we’re going to look at:
- The signs you’re ready to move in with a partner.
- How soon is too soon to move in together.
- What to do before moving in with a partner.
That’s right – after this, you’ll feel fully confident about your decision and can safely say that you aren’t going into it blind!
10 Signs You’re Ready To Move In With a Partner
So, what are the signs that you’re ready to move in with a partner? How do you know?
1) You’re Doing It For The Right Reasons
You’re not moving in together for convenience or money saving. You’re not just moving in together because you feel the social pressure to do so either. Nope!
You’re moving in together because you genuinely want to. You love each other, you want to build a future together and are excited for this next stage.
You feel secure and happy. Your relationship is in a good place. You’re not doing this because you NEED to or because you think it will help you. You’re doing it because you BOTH want to. This leads me onto my next point…
2) You’ve Had The Important Talks
You know you’re both on the same page in terms of what you want and where this is heading – plus why you actually want to do this, why you want to move in together.
This isn’t going to end in messy furniture splitting, constant battles or arguments because – fundamentally – you’re just not right for each other.
You’ve put in the work, building what you have today. It FEELS right and that’s backed up by the fact that you know it really is right. It’s not rushed.
It’s also important that this is a mutual decision. It’s not just one person pressuring the other to say yes, or one person not wanting to disappoint the other by saying no.
You both want to do it, and know you both want to do it.
3) You’re Best Friends
You’re best friends, not just partners. You get on really well aside from all of the chemistry and attraction. This builds the great foundations for being happy house-mates! Having said that…
4) You Still Have The Right Balance
You still have your own friends away from the relationship, you still have your own hobbies and interests. There’s the right balance of time apart and time together. This is really important.
If you’ve let your relationship completely take over then it’s NOT the right time to move in… otherwise this will only be heightened when living together. It will be too much, too intense and not healthy for either of you.
Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to then be able to step forward.
5) You’ve Had Problems and Overcome Them
Conflict is inevitable. It’s going to happen. And it needs to have happened in order for you to fully get to know a person – the two of you need to have gone through a certain amount of things to truly say, “Yep, I know who they are and I still love them for it.”
Here, have a read of this: How Long It Actually Takes To Get To Know Someone
If you’ve faced challenges, had problems thrown your way, yet worked through them together, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to move in with your partner and take your relationship to the next level because:
- You know that you do know this person. You’re not rushing.
- You know that you’re more likely to be able to handle anything that gets thrown your way.
Your relationship needs to be strong. Not just because living together can add more tension, but because living together is a commitment – and so that’s not a decision to take too lightly.
6) You’re Comfortable Around Each Other
There’s no hiding, no getting embarrassed by perfectly natural and normal things. You’re just comfortable around each other. You don’t have to hide things or pretend to be someone you’re not.
You can just relax, be yourself and feel content. It’s important that you get to this stage before you move in with a partner because if you can’t relax in your own home, where can you?!
7) You’re Used To Being Around Each Other
If you and your partner are spending the majority of your time at one another’s places, this could be a good sign that you’re ready for the next step.
This is especially true if you have little to no problems when staying together. It’s therefore a natural progression, less of a “risk” or a big deal. You kind of know what to expect.
Just like if you’ve traveled a lot – had the added “stresses” but still, it’s been fine. More than fine even. Fun! Which is one of the reasons why you can’t wait to move in together.
8) You Understand Each Other
You know how to handle each other when the other person is stressed, upset, overwhelmed. You know how to deal with conflict – to communicate effectively. Gee, you can even tell when they need space, time, or FOOD! (Ha.)
But you get each other. You’ve taken the time to do this. And you genuinely care about each other. You’re trying to be the best partner that you can be. You’re working with them.
It’s what you need for a strong foundation before you move in together because it will then make things far, far easier.
9) You Trust & Respect Each Other
Just because you’re living together, doesn’t mean there has to be no space or privacy. You won’t be constantly on his case as soon as he’s back from work – demanding attention. You also won’t be checking his work, snooping, going through his things.
This all ties back to you being in the right place, being in a strong and healthy relationship. It’s what you want to build regardless of whether or not you move in right now or not – but is even more important if this is an option you’re reviewing right now.
10) It Doesn’t Feel Rushed
Last but not least, one of the biggest signs you’re ready to move in with a partner is when it doesn’t feel rushed. It feels right. There’s more excitement than nerves and that’s because you’ve taken your time to get to this place.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In With a Partner?
If you want to know how soon is too soon to move in with a partner, well, it’s kind of a difficult question because everyone is different. That’s why it’s better to go off the signs that you’re ready to move in with a partner, as opposed to trying to lay it out on a set timeframe.
To give you some insights, according to a Quartz analysis of Stanford University’s survey – about 25% of American couples that eventually move in together do so after four months of dating, and 50% after a year. By two years, over 70% had moved in. There are holdouts, though: After more than four years of dating, 10% had not yet made the plunge.
Which is an interesting comparison huh? It’s important to try not to compare however, or feel pressure based on what “everyone else” is doing. You do your own thing – it doesn’t mean anything and it’s no reflection on the strength of your relationship.
Other factors could also come into it. For example:
- How old you are.
- Whether you want to take the relationship slowly.
- What your situations like in terms of work and convenience.
Just because you’re not yet living together, doesn’t mean you’re less serious about each other. You can still have a great relationship, with your own homes. It’s not just about how much time you spend together but how much of that is quality time together. So no pressure, okay?
What To Do Before Moving In With a Partner
If you’ve decided you’re ready to move in with your partner, all the signs are saying “Yes! Do it!” – then that’s amazing, and very exciting! But what do you need to do before moving in with a partner? Well let’s run through the three main things so that you go into it fully prepared…
1) Decide What’s Happening With Finances
The last thing you want to do is let finances get in the way of your relationship, which is why it’s an absolute MUST to discuss this before you move in with a partner.
- How will the bills be split and paid?
- What’s happening with groceries? Who’s getting these and how will they be paid for?
- How will furniture be bought, by who and who will “own” what?
- Will you combine your finances in any way to make it easier? Set up a shared bank account?
- If not, which bank account will the rent come out of and when will this be sent between the two of you?
You also need to make sure you’re both in a position to move out, and are both clear on the monthly budget you have for living together. This means knowing all of your monthly expenses, all the related costs and whether it works with the both of you.
2) Discuss Chores
Again, chores sound like such a small thing – yet it’s small things like this that can create tension or cause couples to snap when you’re spending 24/7 living together.
- Are you both naturally tidy?
- Is one cleaner and more conscious of mess than the other?
- What chores will you both take on board?
- When will chores be done? How will it work best?
3) Make Sure You’re Good At Communicating
Living with someone is totally different from just dating them or being in a relationship. It’s a bigger deal than you may realise. So before you jump into it, make sure you know each other well enough to make it work.
- How do you both deal with stress? And what should the other person do when you’re stressed – give you space or try to help?
- How will you avoid snapping each other? When you’re in each other’s space all the time, it can be easy to happen.
- How will you deal with conflict or confrontation? Remember, there is no ‘escape’ when you’re living together. You can get space to some degree, but ultimately, before you go to bed at night – it has to be resolved. You don’t want bad feeling.
This Is An Exciting Time
If you are ready to move in with a partner and are about to get the ball rolling with it – it’s a very exciting time. I’m excited for you!
You’re turning the page and are about to right a new chapter together.
Make it everything that it can be. Understand that it won’t always be smooth sailing and there may need to be a small period of readjustment, or if “honeymoon period” vibes straight away, be prepared for it to potentially fizzle out.
This is a long term thing. You’re going to have a couple of ups and downs or occasional wobbles along the way… and that’s okay! They’re usually over small, silly things more than anything else.
But really make this house a home for the two of you. Enjoy it. Treasure it.
And if you do decide that maybe you’re not quite ready yet – know that that’s okay too. There’s no rush really. Whatever you decide, keep working on your relationship, keep appreciating what you have.
Wishing you all the best.