So you had a date lined up, you were looking forward to it, you kind of like this guy, and… he cancels your date. What do you think? How do you react? What do you do? In this post, we’re going to explore all of that and more!
What To Do When He Cancels Your Date
Let’s look at what to do when he cancels your date, with all the key considerations involved. Work your way through this thought process for how to respond when he cancels your date. So let’s start from the top…
Don’t Respond Straight Away
So off, if a guy cancels your date and you’re feeling hurt, angry, frustrated – stop, take a breather and don’t respond straight away. You could end up saying something you don’t mean or acting without dignity, and then going on to regret it.
See, if he cancels your date, there’s likely to be a sting of rejection. Whatever reason he gave (which we’ll come onto shortly), you may start to question whether it’s real or true.
- Is he just not into me?
- Is he messing me around here?
- Why aren’t I good enough?
- What did I do wrong?
If you find yourself thinking any of these things, know that it is pretty natural and normal – but that doesn’t mean it’s accurate or true. So feel your emotions – whatever they may be. But don’t stop there, then you have to put things into perspective.
This isn’t the end of the world and it doesn’t have to:
- Ruin your chances with this guy. There may still be hope yet… we’ll establish that shortly!
- Start doubting yourself. This is no reflection on you, or your worth, so don’t even let yourself think that!
Okay? So now we’re in agreement on that, let’s get our head around why he cancelled your date, what exactly the situation is here and what it means.
Why Did He Cancel Your Date?
The next thing we need to take into consideration is why he cancelled your date. What reason did he give (presuming he had the decency to give a reason at all!)
- Did he cancel because he went out with his friends and was then too hungover to see you the next day?
- Did he make up – what seems to be an excuse – like, he’s not feeling well, yet he doesn’t give specifics and it seems totally out of the blue?
This leads me onto my next point… How specific was he? Did he just say that “something come up”, or did he sound genuine? Does it seem like something has actually happened which is why he can no longer make it, but he’s pretty disappointed about it?
Because these things can happen… this isn’t about always assuming the worst, or jumping to conclusions. Even if you’ve been let down multiple times by others in the past, this may be triggering for you – but you have to give everyone a fresh slate.
Remember, at least he’s actually having the decency to cancel as oppose to standing you up.
When Did He Cancel Your Date?
Another factor to think about, when considering what to do / think about this date-cancelling guy, is when he cancelled it.
- Did he tell you as soon as he knew – days or weeks in advance?
- Had you spoken about it the day before (everything seemed fine, and as if it was still going ahead) then the day after – he’s out?
- Did he tell you on the day? Did he let you get ready, let you arrive even, then bail out?
- Or, perhaps he didn’t even tell you at all?! You had plans and he ghosted you before the date came around… because that also happens too. Click here for how to deal with that.
You might also like to consider how certain these plans were. Was it a “let’s try to do something then” date, or a 100% set in stone one? The latter, of course, makes it worse.
Did He Apologise?
When he cancelled your date, okay, so he may not have wanted to make a big deal – but did he sound genuinely sorry? Disappointed even? And disappointed that he let you down? Did he apologise?
Things happen. He didn’t have to get down on one knee, begging for forgiveness (ha!) But if he had the same level of interest in you, as you do for him, if he also shared the same values and doesn’t like letting people down, then he’d have apologised for it.
Has He Tried To Re-Arrange?
This ones a big one now. Things happen. Sometimes plans can’t go ahead. But if it’s genuine, if he didn’t want to have to bail out – he’d have rearranged. Preferably straight away. Just a simple…
Look, this has come up. I won’t be able to make it next week. Could we rearrange? How about [date here]? Drinks on me to say sorry!
Now if he hasn’t yet re-organised, give him time. He may just be making sure you’re still cool with him after he cancelled on you. That’s why when it comes to responding (which we’ll cover shortly), it’s better to keep it cool and see how he acts from there.
Dating can be difficult, especially early days when you don’t actually know the person properly and – perhaps – aren’t fully invested. It’s nothing to take personally from your side, but it is worth taking into consideration. This leads me onto my next point…
What Is The Relationship Between The Two of You?
If it’s a first date, you’ve spent a lot of time speaking to each other, you need to meet each other to know where you’re at and what’s there – then yes, bailing out on a date is BAD!
If however, you matched on a dating app, you loosely spoke about plans, made a rough idea for a date but barely spoke in between, then that’s more to be expected…
Like we said above, it’s all about that time-investment and in the early days, really, you owe the other person nothing (as harsh as that may sound.)
There are of course right ways to treat people and right ways to go about things. You shouldn’t make plans with someone if you’re then not going to follow through with them. But not all matches will make dates… as I’m sure you know!
The longer you’ve known each other however, the more you’ve spoken, the more dates you’ve had, the worse it becomes – and the more likely you are to take it personally – if he cancels your date… well, without a valid reason, and especially if this seems to be a recurring thing. [Cue my next point!]
Is This The First Time?
Is this the first time he’s cancelled a date or went back on something he said he’d do? Was you surprised this happened, or not so much? See, as hard as it is – and as hopeful you may have been about this person – you have to face the truth.
Is that the kind of person you want to get involved with? I think not. In fact, I’m telling you now… it’s a big, no, no, no! Recipe for disaster. Avoid at all costs!
What To Do If Someone Keeps Cancelling Your Dates
So based on all of the answers above, you should now be able to come to a better conclusion of what to do when he cancels a date, or more specifically, what to think.
It could mean that he’s messing you around or it could be completely and utterly genuine. Like we said, a lot plays into it – that’s why you have to stay calm, weigh it all up and be reasonable.
How To Respond When Someone Cancels a Date
When it comes to how to respond when someone cancels a date, well, again, calm is always best. Don’t blow up, don’t get angry. In fact, here’s a few template responses…
What To Say When Someone Cancels a First Date:
If it’s a first date, whether you think he’s being genuine or not, always give the benefit of the doubt. Just say something like…
Oh, that’s a shame. No worries though, I understand. Let me know if you’d like to rearrange! I’m free [propose a day] if you want to grab a drink then instead?
If he cancelled last minute, you can mention this, but again – light, expressing your values, as opposed to going crazy mad at him…
Oh, that’s a shame. I’d appreciated it if you’d have told me sooner. I turned other things down so that I could see you. But okay. You’ll just have to blow me away when we do finally meet! 😉 Let me know if you want to rearrange.
What To Say When Someone Cancels a Second / Third Date:
If it’s a second, third (or so on) date, you know the person a little better. You’re more able to be more jokey about it, or more to the point, depending on the situation and why / how he cancelled your date.
Just remember, it’s still early days. A couple of helpful reads if you do really like him (and think he had a valid reason for cancelling)…
Uh huh, these posts are absolute gold-mines of dating knowledge – you can thank me later! 😉
What To Say If Someone Keeps Cancelling Your Dates
If it’s a case of repeated date-cancelling, this is where you need to keep your self-respect and can better say what you feel. Depending on the severity of the situation (of course) something like (varying in degrees) would work:
Okay, that’s disappointing to be honest because this isn’t the first time. I like you, I think you’re a cool guy, but this… that’s not cool. I’m not going to chase you, and I’m not going to keep putting the effort in if it’s not being reciprocated. I make time for you, and I don’t feel like that’s valued or returned. So balls in your court. Either step it up, or I’m out!
That’s All For This One
So there we have it – what to do if he cancels your date, and how to respond if he cancels your date. You’re fully prepared now!
Just remember, dating is tiring, but it is worth it. The right person will come around (and he won’t mess you around!) He’ll love you, value you, and all these bad dating memories will feel like a distant memory… 😉
Got a boyfriend who keeps cancelling your dates? Well that’s a little easier – you can tell him straight up, it’s not on!
(Or, you at least know him well enough to know why it’s happening… and there will usually be a valid reason there, unless the relationship is on it’s way out.. but that’s a discussion for another post!)
Any final questions on this topic? Comment below. I’m here to help!
All the best,