Want to feel closer to someone? Feel closer to your boyfriend? Or feel closer to your girlfriend, perhaps? It’s a pretty common thing. We all go through moments or phases where we’re not quite where we want to be. So here’s how to feel closer to your partner again – with our easy-to-apply process, plus our top 20 strategies.
Why Do You Feel Disconnected?
So before we look at how to feel closer to your partner, I want you to take a moment to consider why the disconnect is there to begin with. What’s causing this, and how long has it been like it?
- Are you going through a rough patch?
- Is their (or yours) behaviour a little different now and you’re not totally sure why?
- Or maybe life has just taken over and you’re just super busy?
- Do you feel like you’re struggling to spend quality time together?
- Or perhaps the time you do spend – there’s just something missing?
- Are your own worries or insecurities coming out and influencing how close you feel?
- Are you becoming needy or demanding? And your partner actually thinks everything’s okay?
These are just a few questions to get you thinking, but as you can see – there’s so many different reasons why you may not feel as close to your partner as you’d like right now.
Exploring why this is, is actually vitally important however. As that, my friends, is the little key to feeling closer to your partner again…
How To Feel Closer To Your Partner
Once you know why you feel a disconnect from your partner, you can then better work out the “how” to fix it. Now the “how” can sometimes be tricky to determine, but what you want to do is:
- Grab a piece of paper.
- Write down the root cause of the problem at the top.
- Brainstorm all the possible “solutions” below it. This may include: things you’ve already tried to do to feel closer to your partner again, things that would be a little daunting to try, plus things you’re not 100% sure on, but they’ve sprung to mind so you’re going to jot them down!
It will then simply be about trial and error, to find what does work when it comes to feeling closer to your partner again.
The good thing is – all of the things you’re likely to write down are pretty positive things anyway, so as long as you’re not pushing or nagging, you can’t really do much damage.
Simply start with the things that you think are most likely to help, then stick with it, trying different things as you go along.
Remember – depending on your situation – you may not INSTANTLY get 100% back on track after just one action.
Instead, it’s about developing new, healthier habits, that not only bring you closer but keep you closer. So stick with it!
Ways To Feel Closer To Your Partner
So now you’ve got the “formula” for how to feel closer to your partner, let’s throw out a few suggestions to get some inspiration flowing.
Some will be more relevant than others, depending on the root cause of your disconnect. So have a read and weigh this up as you go along.
What we recommend when it comes to how to feel closer to your partner? Well…
1) Talk It Out
Communication is everything. No matter what your situation – if you want to feel closer to your partner, talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel.
It doesn’t have to come across as needy or demanding. (This is why the way you phrase it and how you time it, is actually key!) But get off your chest what’s bothering you.
Explain why you feel a little disconnected and what you want to do about it. Also listen to your partner about how they feel and if they’ve noticed it too.
You can resolve a lot by simply talking about it – because then your partner is also aware of it and you can work on it together.
2) Talk More
Aside from talking through the “issue”, talking more in general will also help too. But we don’t just want small talk. This is crucially important.
If you want to feel closer to your partner, ask more personal questions, talk about some of the “deeper” stuff, some of the things that you wouldn’t confide in everyone about.
This reminds you of the bond you have and brings you closer once more.
Also throw in some more interesting topics, questions and conversations. Keep getting to know each other and learning about each other.
In fact, you should never stop learning about each other, as it keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. It also ensures you keep getting that all important quality time in a relationship too!
IDEA: Throw in one of these 365 how well do you know me questions every day… These have been designed to use “one a day” for a year, to keep you learning more and more about each other. We’re all about simple yet effective strategies, you see!
3) Share Things
Keeping with the conversation theme, if you want to feel closer to your partner, don’t slip out of the habit of sharing things with them.
This can be the hard hitting stuff – letting your partner in and confiding in them, because they’re the person you turn to.
However, it can also simply be the day to day news and updates too. You’re a team, remember? So keep acting like it!
When you do share and connect, don’t forget to also use appreciation messages for your boyfriend so that you recognise and acknowledge the things you are grateful for.
4) Show Them You’re Thinking Of Them
What else have we got? Well, if you want to feel closer to your partner, show them you love them and are thinking of them. Show them you care. This can be done in many ways.
- Sending good morning messages for them to wake up to. Here’s some fun and creative ones.
- Or making sure that every day, you send that goodnight message when you’re apart.
- If they have something going on, don’t forget to wish them good luck or give them encouragement.
- Or if they’ve had a tough day at work, give them a cuddle, cook them their favourite meal and just make their life a little easier.
Small things make a big difference, and when you start being more loving, caring and thoughtful, it’s not only going to mean a lot to your partner but is also more likely to be reciprocated too, which ultimately then brings the two of you closer.
Feel like you’re not appreciated? Or they’re not doing these kind of things so you don’t want to either? Then that kind of attitude won’t get you anywhere.
Set the standards, lead by example. Give love simply because you feel the love (or want to feel it more like you used to anyway!) Eventually, it will start to pay off – if not straight away.
5) Do a Romantic Gesture
Get that romance back in your relationship by doing a sweet romantic gesture. Here’s 20 Romantic Things To Do For Your Boyfriend to get the inspiration flowing!
Sometimes you need a little boost to remind yourselves just how much you love each other.
Your partner will also, again, appreciate the effort and it will give you the opportunity to get back on track. It’s a “reality check”, if you like – a reminder of each other.
And that’s why it works so well when it comes to feeling closer to your partner again.
6) Keep The Romance Alive
Now one-off romantic gestures are always a winner, but you don’t want to just leave it at that.
Once you feel closer to your partner again, you want to keep that closeness by keeping the romance alive, regularly. Consistency is key.
So it may be doing small romantic gestures – like leaving cute little love notes, or expressing your love in different ways.
You also want to get into the habit of having more regular date nights. Some of these will be light and casual – the mid-week or morning dates for example.
These should be mixed in with bigger, more romantic dates where you can get dressed up and put more effort in. Remind your partner why they fell in love with you. Wow them a little!
Don’t get too comfortable that the spark starts to slip. Put time and effort into keeping the romance alive.
7) Have Fun Again!
It can be easy to slip into a routine in a relationship – letting life take over. So if you want to feel closer to your partner, spice things up again.
Do things you enjoy together. Bounce off each other. Make more memories. This is the fastest, easiest way to build your bond, and ultimately reconnect.
Recommended Read: How To Keep Your Relationship Fun & Exciting
8) Focus on Affection
A relationship without affection is really more like a friendship. If you don’t feel close to your partner, it could be because you’re lacking in intimacy.
- So look at how you were at the start of the relationship and what’s changed.
- Look at the areas in which you’d like it to be better.
- Consider how you can make it more fun and flirty again.
- Increase physical touch as well as your emotional connection.
- Really put in the effort to bring the two of you closer.
When you do this, you’ll start to notice a major difference in the way the relationship feels and how the two of you interact.
9) Stop The Nagging
Now as well as doing the RIGHT things to feel closer to your partner, you can also stop doing the WRONG things. And I know, I get it – if they’ve become habits, they can be hard to break!
But what’s creating a distance between the two of you? What things do you know don’t have a positive impact? One example: nagging!
And this doesn’t mean you can’t ever say anything. It just means you show a little compassion and give your partner a break. Pick your battles. Ask yourself:
- Is it worth it?
- What will it achieve by saying this?
- Is it the right time to say this, or would it only antagonise the situation?
- Could I get my message across in a better way?
Small changes make a big difference, especially when it comes to improving your relationship. So keep working on the way you act and the partner that you are. It will really help!
10) Take a Breather
A fundamental step to feeling closer to your partner again, is to establish how much of it is “on you.” See, you could be jumping to conclusions here…
- Do you notice everything? And take everything to heart?
- Are you worrying more than you need to, here?
- What do your friends and family say? Do they think it’s normal or would they be concerned?
- What does your partner say? Is he / she actually worried, or is it all coming from you?
- What could be causing these fears? Could it be your abandonment issues perhaps?
- Do you struggle with relationship anxiety? Or you just don’t feel secure in relationships?
- Are you putting too much focus (and therefore pressure) on your relationship?
Take a step back, look at the overall picture and take some time simply for you.
This may be challenging to do… If you want to feel closer to your partner, the most natural response you would have is to want to push closer, but sometimes, taking a step back is actually what you need.
When you do this, you can also start to think far clearer and more rationally; not to mention get back to feeling more like yourself again (which will also help to get the two of you back on track!)
11) Spend More Quality Time Together
Another simple way to feel closer to your partner again, is prioritising quality time together – to get back that connection.
See, it’s easy for let life take over, to slip into a routine and that in turn, can have an impact on your relationship. But the good news is – you can also get it back…
So create new habits! These can be as simple as starting having breakfast together every morning, or working out together after work. Spend time doing the things you both have to / want to do, but instead… do it together!
You could also install a “date a week” challenge! From morning dates, to weeknight dates, and simple, romantic stay-at-home ones – there’s actually plenty of ways to get back into dating each other again. You just have to make it happen!
So what small changes can you make, to be around each other more? And when you are then with each other, how will you make sure you both stay fully present and engaged?
12) Start Something New
Another great way to get closer to your partner, is to start something new together.
So this could be by creating new habits, as mentioned above, or you could take on a new project together, or start a new hobby. Think outside the box!
13) Have Things To Look Forward To
What else can you do? Well, have things to look forward to! Make plans, set goals, remember what you’re working towards, and that the two of you are a team…
This is really important as even if you have moments where life takes over, it brings you back to the fact that the two of you are in this for the long-run and it won’t be like this forever.
14) Resolve Any Issues
So we spoke about things you can do, plus cutting out the things you shouldn’t do (like nagging!) – the things that don’t help.
But similarly to this, if you want to feel closer to your partner, take the time to work on the things you need to – as a couple. If there’s things that are creating the disconnect – tackle them, properly.
So maybe the two of you as a whole, are not great with communication – swat up on it, create a plan of action to improve it, work with a relationship coach even (make your life easier!)
Or let’s say that trust is an ongoing issue. Speak to a couples counsellor, set aside time to work on building it back up – instead of just “hoping” it will fix itself.
Sit down and discuss any key issues or problems that the two of you are having, that wedges a gap between you both – but discuss without any fear, instead discuss with complete honesty and transparency with the purpose of finding solutions.
Nothing has to break you. But pushing issues under the carpet and hoping they’ll disappear, will. So instead, face them head on, together, as a team. Then one by one, work through them.
15) Keep Learning
Last but not least then, I want to encourage you to change the way you see things – shift any negative mindsets, and go into the relationship with more love and care.
- Seek to better understand your partner.
- Seek to better understand their needs.
- Keep working on your communication and the way you get across things.
- Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions… and when they’re overwhelming you.
- Get better at managing your emotions. Learn to better deal with different situations…
- And understand, again, how your partner deals with situations. (Perhaps they do this differently to you? But this is okay…)
The more you can learn, the more you will grow, and the stronger your relationship will become.
How To Feel Closer To Your Partner
Ultimately, when it comes to how to feel closer to your partner, it’s all about taking action – doing what you can to reconnect with your partner again, but also working on yourself – the way that you feel and behave, as sometimes, this can be a big cause of the disconnect too.
The good thing is, that you’re here – reading this now. It shows that you’re aware of things, you want to work on things, and that’s going to make the world of difference.
So try not to panic and know that you can turn this around. Good luck!
Love,
Ell_xx
