So you’ve found someone you really click with, everything going really well. You’re hopeful, optimistic even (which is great!) However it’s still a good idea to take things slow to avoid falling too fast, being swept away or progressing things too quickly (and then looking back, only to regret it…) Remember: if it’s meant to be, it will still be. This person won’t be going anywhere. So how do you take things slow when dating someone? Let’s explore this a little further.
What Does It Mean To Take Things Slow When Dating?
Taking things slow when dating someone essentially means, things moving forward at a pace you’re both comfortable with. This can relate to intimacy, feelings and commitment. Taking things slowly means different things to different people – as we all naturally go at different paces and put different value on different things. For this reason, it’s important to be open and honest when discussing taking things slowly with a new person you’re dating, to ensure you’re both on the same page.
Can Taking It Slow Be a Bad Thing?
For sure. We can have the assumption that someone wants to take things slowly because they’re unsure how they feel about you. This could be because they’ve been hurt so badly in the past so they’re wary, or it could be because they’re just not 100% sure on you. They may be stalling, or tip-toeing around the edge of a relationship because they don’t really want to fully commit. But this doesn’t have to be the case. And it isn’t always.
If you’re stressing out, clinging onto the person, scared, because they want to take things slow – take a step back. Look at their behaviour. Look at the signs they are into you, alongside the signs they’re a potential player. Make your own judgements – but only when you’re in the state where you’re able to be level headed about it. Also try not to automatically assume the worst. This could actually be a blessing – something that MAKES the two of you, not BREAKS you.
For this reason, don’t be afraid to ask to take things slow. There are a lot of benefits to it and different ways to do it (it doesn’t have to be hard or painful!) In fact, let’s have a very quick look at why this is a good idea…
Why It’s Good To Take Things Slow When Dating Someone
To cut to the chase, relationships that start fast don’t always have staying power. These whirlwind romances are actually more likely to fall apart because they’re built on lust, illusion and fantasy. It’s all too intense, and it often becomes too much for both parties.
You also can’t think clearly. You can’t genuinely assess how you feel, or if someone is or isn’t right for you – which means you’re far more likely to rush into something that will only inevitably end in heartache.
It takes time to get to know someone. You need to allow this time to stop seeing the ‘best version’ of a person and start seeing the TRUE version of them – once they’ve let their guard down, are authentically being themselves (without being afraid of being judged.) Better yet, you can see if they have that all-important consistency…
There’s no point them being everything you could possibly wish for, if they can’t then keep it up. Their behaviour shouldn’t start to change, the more comfortable they become. If anything, they should be MORE reliable, predictable and dependable. So by taking things slowly, you can better see if they’re serious enough about you to do this, and will therefore end up building far stronger foundations over a longer length of time.
THINK ABOUT IT:
Finding a partner didn’t used to actually be like this. Our parents or grandparents were usually childhood sweethearts – knowing each other from school. They were friends first, if anything. They didn’t just jump on an app with the intention of finding love, pluck up someone they THINK they know and rush into committing with them. No, no, no! They knew them for far longer and saw them for who they were first. Times have changed now and things may not work on that same timeline anymore. But you can still take the situation into your hands and slow it down for a better chance of long-term success.
The Other Benefits of Taking It Slowly in a New Relationship:
- You’re able to first establish a friendship alongside the relationship.
- You can better enjoy this exciting new early stage of the relationship (don’t undervalue it – this is heaps of fun in its own right!)
- By not diving headfirst into a relationship can turn it into something deeper. You form a better, stronger connection – that’s not just one dimensional.
- You can better differentiate between genuine feelings and infatuation.
- You’re less likely to miss the all-important red flags.
- You can still keep your own life and passions, continuing to do the things that are important to you so that you have more of a balance that’s easier to then be continued – even when things do continue to progress.
- You can learn about one another and the best way to work together before things get too heavy.
- You can work on yourself alongside the relationship to make sure you’re growing as things are progressing. This means you can address any issues that could cause relationship problems, whilst you still have the space you need.
- You have more confidence in the relationship and the fact that this person really is ‘the one’ if the two of you do finally get to the stage of committing.
- It’s easier to build trust, and overall creates healthier relationship habits.
Sufficiently convinced as to why you SO NEED THIS?! Good. That’s important. You have to have the desire to do something, in order for it to work – so that’s part one of how to take things slow when dating… OFFICIALLY COMPLETE. What else can we do to make sure it happens? Well let’s have a look…
How To Take Things Slow When Dating Someone
So, how do you do it? How do you take things slow when dating someone? I know what you’re probably thinking – “She’s going to tell me to keep dating other people or see this person less.” Well actually, no. I’m not. Because you might not want to do that.
In the early days perhaps, or if you’ve not been single for very long, then this will work. But what if you’ve been looking for someone who excites you? You finally find them then BAMN, you have to be all wary – deprive yourself of that quality time with them, force yourself to see others when you know the interest just isn’t there. No. That’s just going to suck the fun out of things.
I’m all for protecting your heart, but I don’t think pulling back from a person is necessarily the right thing to do to slow things down. It creates issues that don’t need to be there – makes things scarier or more complicated than they actually need to be.
So if you’re enjoying getting to know this person, you’re liking how things are going but just don’t want to rush into anything, you can slow things down by doing the following things…
1) Have a Balance
Balance. That’s what it’s all about. So I’m not saying you have to be careful with how much you see them. Not at all. All I’m saying is don’t move them in next week, or have them staying over every single night. That’s excessive – and suffocating, and it’s going to end up in things crashing and burning.
But one or two nights a week is fine – even three if you’re doing different things when you see each other and it’s not just falling into routine too fast. This leads me onto my next point…
2) Do Different Things
Relationships move too quickly when they become comfortable. If you want to take things slow when dating someone, try to do different things when you see each other – different experiences, in different places. Diversify it. Don’t fall into ‘long term couple’ territory where everything becomes cosy yet predictable. You’re not there yet. Keep the other person on their toes, and make sure you’re kept on your toes too.
At this stage, you want to learn as much as you can about the person. You won’t do that if you’re constantly in the same sort of situation, on familiar lands. So test yourselves in that escape room, let your hair down with a few drinks together, go for that romantic meal, head to a museum… mix things up. Keep things fresh and exciting, just how it should be at this stage!
3) Don’t Talk Too Much About The Future
I know you might be excited and may well see a future with this person (POTENTIALLY!) but to avoid putting any expectations or pressure on the relationship. Keep your relationship light and fun. I mean, there will be plenty of time for the serious stuff moving forward…
That doesn’t mean that you can’t have deep chats and a more meaningful relationship, but you don’t need to have deep chats about the two of you and where you’re heading… not just yet. Let things progress naturally, in their own time.
4) Keep Doing Your Own Thing
So you might not want to date other people, that’s fine. But don’t make the mistake of making this person your whole world. Keep doing other things with friends and family, focus on your work and career, make time for your passions and hobbies, keep working on becoming the best version of you.
When you’re so in on a person and your situation, it’s hard to slow your relationship down. So get the balance right from the get-go.
This person can still be important to you, a priority even if you think they’re what you’re looking for. They just shouldn’t be EVERYTHING. And you need to see that. Otherwise you’ll end up falling fast and hard… which is not always a good thing.
5) Cut Out The Obsessive Behaviour
The excessive texting, the checking of social media channels, the constant thinking about this person – daydreaming perhaps. It’s a sign that you’re fantasising. (Click here to read more on that.) But it’s not real and you can’t feed that toxic behaviour. Become more aware of how you’re acting, the things you’re doing that don’t actually make you feel good, and simply work on them. Get rid of them before they take over!
Because of the intense feelings of euphoria that you get when you date and start to fall in love – it is easy to get fixated on the person who’s giving you those feelings. It’s normal, common even. But, my friends, there are things you can do to ease off it – which will also help to keep you more level-headed and slow the pace of the new relationship down. Click here to read more about how to stop obsessing and simply let things be.
This Is Going To Be a Good Thing, Trust Me…
Whether it does or doesn’t work out, it will work out the way it’s meant to. So live in the here and now. Enjoy what you DO have with this person, right now in this moment in time. It’s easy to overthink situations, to fear losing what you have when you’re happy and things are going well. But the more you panic, the more likely you are to smother the other person and end up sabotaging yourself.
You’ve got a good thing going on right now – don’t let anything take away from that.
Keep building yourself up, knowing your worth, knowing your brilliance – because that’s also going to shift your perspective from “OH MY GOSH, this person is amazing. I must must must be with them!” to “Yeah, this person is pretty cool. But so am I. So let’s see how things go and how well we continue to gel.”
Remember, if it doesn’t work out with this person, it is okay. But fingers crossed for the both of you! I really hope this is the start of something truly special.
All the best! Don’t forget to subscribe below for fortnightly updates of the latest posts.