Are you dating Mr Right or Mr Right now? Is he Mr Right? Or is this just a short-term thing?
See, dating’s a funny game! Sometimes you’ll find – who you think might be – the right person, but the timing or situation just isn’t right.
Other times you’ll meet someone who you kind of know isn’t ‘the one’ but they’re just what you need in that moment in time and you enjoy each other’s company.
Then eventually, you’ll find that person where everything just fits.
The two of you are compatible, you’re both in a great place and there’s (pretty much) nothing standing in your way from making it work… BINGO!
But how do you know? How can you tell if you’re dating “Mr Right” or “Mr Right Now”?
Because sometimes it’s still not that clear. Well let’s explore things a little further to help you figure out where you’re at with this person, and better spot the key “signs”…
The Difference Between Mr Right and Mr Right Now
So first off, there’s some key differences between Mr Right and Mr Right.
These will vary depending on you as a person. But to start getting you thinking, here’s a few common signs that might sound familiar:
1) Mr Right knows things about you that a lot of people don’t.
For example: some of your favourite things, how you feel about different situations, what your views are on various things.
He gets you as a person and can see you more for who you are.
Whereas Mr Right Now may know some of this if it’s sprung up in conversation from time to time, but there’s not that deeper level of connection, inquisition or understanding.
2) With Mr Right, you know that you can talk about anything.
You connect on many levels, including intellectually, and so you don’t struggle for conversation.
Whereas with Mr Right Now, you wouldn’t bother speaking to him about certain things, nor would he probably ‘get it’ or bounce off you.
You often find yourself wasting time, going through the same – or very similar – conversations with pretty menial chat. That’s just how it is. But you’ve accepted that.
3) Mr Right has his life together.
Mr Right has has goals, plans and is in a good place (in many different ways.)
Whereas more often than not, Mr Right Now is a little bit lost. He’s got areas he needs to work on, is emotionally immature or emotionally unstable.
And usually when you’re with him, you’re in a similar place too… (After all, we accept the love we think we deserve.) But that’s why it works with him at the moment.
4) Your relationship with Mr Right Now is very-much physical.
Your whole relationship with Mr Right Now revolves around being physical, drinking or just having a laugh. Which is fine for the time being…
It is fun, but it’s pretty one-dimensional. And if you didn’t have the physical side, there wouldn’t be a whole lot left! (Yikes!)
Whereas with Mr Right, the chemistry is still there, the physical side might be just as great (if not more) but your relationship would still carry on without it because there’s more to it than just that.
5) With Mr Right, you’d get jealous.
With Mr Right, you couldn’t stand the thought of him being with anyone else. Whereas with Mr Right Now, you’d actually be pretty cool about it. It doesn’t particularly phase you.
Similarly, Mr Right may show his commitment to you (telling you he’s not speaking to anyone else or isn’t interested in anyone else, maybe discuss becoming ‘exclusive’.)
Whereas with Mr Right Now, you don’t even need this conversation, because you’re just kind of on the same page with it being casual.
OR – if you do want something more, you certainly don’t feel like you could broach it without scaring him off! (Which I’m sure you can agree, is not the kind of dynamics you want!)
Recommended Read: Do I Like Him More Than He Likes Me?
6) With Mr Right Now there aren’t really any talks of future plans.
You don’t talk about the future with Mr Right Now. After all, you’re just enjoying the moment and the company.
Whereas with Mr Right you can see more of a future together and talking about commitment, what could happen or what you’d ideally want, is very natural and doesn’t scare either of you.
He wants something serious. He most likely also wants YOU to be his girlfriend soon. (Eek!)
So not only does it have far more long-term potential, but it also seems to be heading in that direction too.
7) With Mr Right Now, you often question your relationship.
You wonder how long it’s worth continuing, or get irritated by certain characteristics that he has.
(Even if it’s just the smallest things. This could be because the “relationship” has started to run it’s course and you’re beginning to “get the ick.”)
Whereas with Mr Right, he’s not necessarily perfect and you recognise that, but you’re enjoying getting to know them further.
You may still sometimes have your doubts, but that’s usually because of your own fears or limiting beliefs around love.
You know that Mr Right is good for you – he’s a good guy (not like those over-rated “bad boys“) and you can appreciate that what you have is something pretty special.
So it’s then just about letting your guard down and allowing yourself to enjoy it, seeing where it goes.
8) Mr Right involves you.
Mr Right has met some of your friends and family, or you’d be open to him meeting them.
Likewise, you may have (or plan to) meet his friends / family too… (Or at the very least, have heard plenty about them.)
Whereas on the flip side – you wouldn’t even consider it for Mr Right Now.
Similarly, Mr Right will have told his friends and family about you, and you’ll have likely done the same. Whereas with Mr Right Now, they’ll probably know he’s on the scene but not know a lot about him. And that’s the way you want to keep it.
After all, the last thing you want is friends / family checking in or asking how it’s going, when you’re not 100% sure how long it will last for!
9) With Mr Right you’re actually a priority.
With Mr Right, you’re often his first choice. You make plans, you have things to look forward to, and you make time for each other.
Whereas with Mr Right Now, it’s usually more of a last-minute spontaneous thing, or confirmation of it happening is pretty short notice.
Similarly you may find he cancels on your date or – worse still – stands you up; not to mention often leaving your messages on read! (RUDE!)
This is because he’s not ready for something serious and treat this like it’s that either. The question is – are you really okay tolerating it?
10) Timing plays a big part in it…
Mr Right Now usually comes sooner after your last breakup. Whereas Mr Right is the one you meet and develop things further with, when you’re in the right place mentally, and you know it.
Why We Can Get The Two Muddled Up
Sometimes Mr Right Now can get confused with Mr Right.
This might be because you’re actively looking for someone. You then meet someone you click with and think, “hallelujah!”
Because you want it to be true, you get carried away – without carefully evaluating whether the two of you are truly compatible and this person is everything that you want.
Your judgement is phased. But things will become clearer the more time you spend around them – providing you can stay level-headed.
Mr Right Now may also turn out to be a lot of the things you want. But if he’s not looking for the same things, then ultimately he still isn’t right. (This is a really important thing to remember!)
Remember…
If the “right” person isn’t looking for the same things, at the same time as you – then ultimately, they’re NOT right for you, after all!
This can hurt a little, and be disheartening or confusing. But I truly believe – if it’s meant to work out with someone, it will do.
So if you find yourself in this situation and the two of you aren’t quite on the same page – it’s time to walk away from Mr Right Now, so that you can move forward to meet Mr Right.
Otherwise, you’re just wasting time and who will end up getting hurt by it all? YOU!
Similarly on the flip-side, if someones more invested in the relationship than you are, you have to be honest. You can’t lead people on if you know things aren’t really going to go anywhere.
Things can work with Mr Right Now, right now, but only if you have a mutual understanding and are both on the same page. So be careful to not mess anyone around yourself, either. Always act with integrity and treat people in the way that’s right – not necessarily just best for you.
If you have to reject the guy – you can reject someone nicely. (It is possible!) And it again, saves so much heartache later down the line… So do the right thing!
Is He Mr Right?
So what’s the deal anyway? Is he Mr Right? And do you always know when the right person comes along?
Well, I personally don’t believe that there is just ONE person for everyone. (This post is actually pretty interesting for exploring the science of soul-mates… it might be worth a read!)
But if you know what you’re looking for, you know the main things that are most important to you… then when you find that person who ‘ticks’ a lot of those boxes, you’ll know that there’s serious potential there.
It’s important to get the right balance though. Keep your standards high, always. Never compromise on the things that really matter to you – like values, work ethics, certain characteristics like kindness.
Just don’t turn Mr Right into Mr Perfect. After all – he doesn’t exist and then you’ll end up missing out on opportunities, by putting unrealistic expectations on a person.
Are You Looking For “Mr Perfect”?
If you find you are looking for the apparent Mr Perfect, you may be doing so as defence mechanism.
Maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt, feeling vulnerable again, or aren’t quite ready for a relationship yet… and that’s okay.
If this is the case, you may well have met Mr Right, but for the time being, he can stay as Mr Right Now.
You can both do your own thing, give each other the time you might need, and then when you do properly and fully reconnect – things will have far more chance of working.
Just don’t put pressure on anything. Follow your heart and what feels right, with the person that feels right. When you do this, you can’t go too far wrong.
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Love,
Ell_xx
