Dating’s a funny game! Sometimes you’ll find – who you think might be – the right person, but the timing or situation just isn’t right. Other times you’ll meet someone who you kind of know isn’t ‘the one’ but they’re just what you need in that moment in time and you enjoy each other’s company. Then eventually, you’ll find that person where everything just fits – the two of you are compatible, you’re both in a great place and there’s (pretty much) nothing standing in your way from making it work… Bingo! But how do you know? How can you tell if you’re dating Mr Right or Mr Right Now? Because sometimes it’s not that clear, depending on where you are mentally. So let’s explore things a little further to help you figure out where you’re at with this person…
The Difference Between Mr Right and Mr Right Now
There’s some key differences between Mr Right and Mr Right. They’ll vary depending on you as a person, but to start getting you thinking, here’s a few common signs that might sound familiar:
- Mr Right knows things about you that a lot of people don’t – some of your favourite things, how you feel about different situations, what your views are on various things. He gets you as a person and can see you more for who you are. Whereas Mr Right Now may know some of this if it’s sprung up in conversation from time to time, but there’s not that deeper level of connection or understanding.
- With Mr Right, you know that you can talk about anything. You’re compatible intellectually and you don’t struggle for conversation. Whereas with Mr Right Now, you wouldn’t bother speaking to him about certain things, nor would he probably ‘get it’ or bounce off you. You often find yourself wasting time, going through the same – or very similar – conversations with pretty menial chat. That’s just how it is.
- With Mr Right Now, things very much revolve around sex, or drinking, or fun. Your relationship is pretty one-dimensional and if you didn’t have the physical side, there wouldn’t be a whole lot left. Whereas with Mr Right, the sex might be just as great (if not more) but your relationship would still carry on without it because there’s more to it than just that.
- Mr Right has his life together – he has goals, he has plans, he’s in a good place. Whereas more often than not, Mr Right Now is a little bit lost, he’s got areas he needs to work on. And usually when you’re with him, you’re in a similar place too… but that’s why it works at the moment.
- With Mr Right, you couldn’t stand the thought of him being with anyone else. Whereas with Mr Right Now, you’d actually be pretty cool about it. It doesn’t particularly phase you. Mr Right may show his commitment to you (telling you he’s not speaking to anyone else or isn’t interested in anyone else, maybe discuss becoming ‘exclusive’) whereas with Mr Right Now, you don’t even need this conversation, because you’re just kind of on the same page with it being casual.
- With Mr Right Now there aren’t really any talks of future plans for the both of you, you’re just enjoying the moment and the company. Whereas with Mr Right you can see more of a future together and talking about commitment, what could happen or what you’d ideally want, is very natural and doesn’t scare either of you.
- Mr Right has met some of your friends and family, or you’d be open to him meeting them. Whereas you wouldn’t even consider it for Mr Right Now. Similarly, Mr Right will have told his friends and family about you, and you’ll have likely done the same. Whereas with Mr Right Now, they’ll probably know he’s on the scene but not know a lot about him.
- With Mr Right, you’re often his first choice. You make plans, you have things to look forward to, and you make time for each other. Whereas with Mr Right Now, it’s usually more of a last-minute spontaneous thing, or confirmation of it happening is pretty short notice. But that’s okay!
- You often question your relationship with Mr Right Now, and wonder how long it’s worth continuing, or get irritated by certain characteristics they have. Whereas with Mr Right, they’re not necessarily perfect and you recognise that, but you enjoy getting to know them further. You may still sometimes have your doubts, but that’s usually because of your own fears or limiting beliefs. You know that Mr Right is good for you and what you have is something pretty special. So it’s then just about letting your guard down and allowing yourself to enjoy it, seeing where it goes.
- Mr Right Now usually comes sooner after your last breakup. Whereas Mr Right is the one you meet and develop things further with, when you’re in the right place mentally, and you know it.
Why We Can Get The Two Muddled Up
Sometimes Mr Right Now can get confused with Mr Right. This might be because you’re actively looking for someone. You then meet someone you click with and think, “hallelujah!” Because you want it to be true, you get carried away – without carefully evaluating whether the two of you are truly compatible and this person is everything that you want. Your judgement is phased, but things will become clearer the more time you spend around them – providing you can stay level-headed.
Mr Right Now may also turn out to be a lot of the things you want, but if he’s not looking for the same things, then ultimately he still isn’t right. This can hurt a little, and be disheartening or confusing. But I truly believe – if it’s meant to work out with someone, it will do. So if you find yourself in this situation and the two of you aren’t quite on the same page – it’s time to walk away from Mr Right Now, so that you can move forward to meet Mr Right. Otherwise, you’re just wasting time and will end up getting hurt.
Similarly on the flip-side, if someones more invested in the relationship than you are, you have to be honest. You can’t lead people on if you know things aren’t really going to go anywhere. Things work with Mr Right Now so long as you have a mutual understanding and are both on the same page. So be careful to not mess anyone around. Act with integrity and always treat people in the way that’s right, not necessarily just best for you.
Do You Always Know When The Right Person Comes Along?
I personally don’t believe that there is just ONE person for everyone. (This post is actually pretty interesting for exploring the science of soul-mates… it might be worth a read!) But if you know what you’re looking for, you know the main things that are most important to you… then when you find that person who ‘ticks’ a lot of those boxes, you’ll know that there’s serious potential there.
It’s important to get the right balance though. Keep your standards high, always. Never compromise on the things that really matter to you – like values, work ethics, certain characteristics like kindness. But don’t turn Mr Right into Mr Perfect, because he doesn’t exist and then you’ll end up missing out on opportunities, by putting unrealistic expectations on a person. Sometimes we actually do this as a defence mechanism – because we’re afraid of getting hurt. But this is just a sign that maybe you’re not quite ready for a relationship just yet… and that’s okay.
If this is the case, you may well have met Mr Right, but for the time being, he can stay as Mr Right Now. You can both do your own thing, give each other the time you might need, and then when you reconnect – things will have far more chance of working. So don’t put pressure on anything. Follow your heart and what feels right, with the person that feels right. When you do this, you can’t go too far wrong.
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