Tired of hurting? Want to know how to feel better after a breakup? Want to know what you have to do and what it truly takes? Then here’s 20 steps to feel better after a breakup.
If you follow this – step by step – you will feel not just back to your “normal self” but happier than you’ve ever been… That, I can guarantee. As these are the fundamentals to feeling good again!
So let’s get stuck straight in, shall we? It’s time to feel better after a breakup…
How Long Does It Take To Feel Better After a Breakup?
So first up, before we get into our breakup recovery formula, you may be wondering how long it takes to feel better after a breakup. The truth is, however, there’s not a “one size fits all” answer.
But I, personally, don’t believe you should put a timescale on it…
See, there’s a process. If you do all of the right things – you will heal far faster and fuller.
On the other hand, if you try to rush the process, skip stages in the process, or sabotage it in any way, it will – of course – set you back and only prolong the pain.
People move through this at different paces – depending on the breakup that they had, what they’re battling with internally, and their relationship history to date.
The good things is – there’s things you can do to feel better after a breakup INSTANTLY. You have the power to shift your state RIGHT NOW to make things more bearable. Trust me.
It’s then just a case of continuing to do all of the right things (and not beating yourself up if you do make a few mistakes along the way!) to – bit by bit – start to feel fully whole again.
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
So what do you do? How do you feel better after a breakup? Well, here’s our fundamental process.
Read it. Save it. Print it. Share it with a friend or family member to help to keep you on track.
Either way, just make sure you keep focusing on it, as I promise – this is just what you need to help you to heal ❤️
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1) Take One Day At a Time
When it comes to how to feel better after a breakup, it’s not always about doing LOADS of things.
I mean – you don’t have to go out, completely change your hairstyle or book a crazy solo trip away, straight away! A huge part of recovery is to simply take it day by day.
And, I know, this is easy to say. But I want you to really focus on this for a little while, and focus on this alone, because it’s actually a very powerful breakup recovery strategy.
- See, every day, I want you to wake up and take it as a new blank canvas.
- Don’t think about the past. (Just block out time to process parts of it, during set times of your day, if you need.)
- Don’t worry about the future. (Partially dwelling on things like what you will do if your ex moves on quickly, or what happens if you don’t find anyone else…)
- Instead: wake up every day and focus on that day, and that day alone.
- Make it your GOAL to get through the day, enjoy the day and make the best of the day.
Now of course there’s going to be times when your ex comes onto your mind, and your mind shifts into the past or future focuses.
But take a deep breath, and bring yourself back to the here and now.
What are you doing in this very moment? What do you need to do, or what would be a good thing to do? (If you’re not currently at work.)
See, we don’t want you to repress your emotions or completely block them out.
We just want you to dedicate times to doing this, and instead – focus on the day in hand, and that day alone to make each day more manageable.
2) Stay Present & Be Mindful
If you find that this first strategy helps you (as different things will work better for different people), you can build on it further by learning more about – them implementing – mindful living.
Some books to introduce this concept include:
You can also get into the habit of doing things like daily breakup meditations or a daily gratitude journal.
Essentially you want to reach the point where you’re not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. You’re focusing on the here & now.
Appreciate what you have, do more of the things you enjoy and which make you happy…
Of course you have to FEEL the emotions that come through, even in the here and now, but don’t heighten them by looking too far back and forward.
Instead, keep bringing it back to the present as it is FAR less overwhelming that way.
(And this kind of living is also good to continue, even once you reach the point of feeling better after your breakup!)
3) Accept That It’s Over
Now, you can’t move forward at all, until you’ve truly reached the point of acceptance. You need to know (and be able to remind yourself) that it’s over, done.
This is what it is. And – even if things changed later down the line – at the moment this is how it is and how it should be.
See, I know it hurts. But getting back together wouldn’t even take the pain away, because you’re here now. You’re here because you had issues in the relationship that led to the breakup.
This is the consequence. And so there is no quick-fix back.
Understanding this and being able to truly accept that the relationship is over, sounds simple.
But (as we all know too well, I’m sure), there can be this lingering hope in the back of your mind, or stubborn ignorance, clinging onto the tiny light that it may change…
This is mostly because (like we said), you want to take the pain away. But remember – you’re PROLONGING the pain by refusing to accept that it’s over.
So if you want to feel better after a breakup, you have to put in the work to gain the acceptance you need.
Struggling with this? Then we do have an extra post on “How To Accept Your Relationship Is Over” with some helpful insights and tips.
4) Release The Weight
Breakups are often complicated or conflicting. There’s a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions.
But often, you make it harder to feel better after a breakup, by overly-feeling and fixating on the things that aren’t positive or helpful.
These are things like:
- Beating yourself up for any mistakes you made in your past relationship.
- Going over the “what ifs” to try to see if things could have been different… Then convincing yourself they could have been and feeling WORSE because they’re not!
- Focusing on the hurt your ex conflicting on you and making it chip away at your self-worth.
- Wanting to get revenge on your ex, or becoming bitter focusing on THEM more than YOU. After all, “why should they be happy, when I’m not?!”
So if you want to feel better after a breakup, you have to identify anything that’s weighing you down further now, that you don’t need to do, and then break these bad habits so that they no longer hold back your recovery.
Makes sense? Great stuff! Then let’s keep on working through…
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
5) You Still Need To FEEL Your Emotions
Now we’ve spoken a lot so far about staying present and pushing aside the thoughts that are dragging you back (or too far, overwhelmingly forward!)
But I want to stress the fact that still feeling your emotions – and properly feeling them – is essential too…
See, here’s How To Feel Your Emotions (the right way!) – you can follow this step by step.
Just pick your timings so that “negative” emotions aren’t taking over and disrupting your life as that then only makes you feel WORSE, not better!
Likewise, you want to feel your emotions in order to release them. So set aside times (usually towards the end of the day) where you’ll let out anything you need to.
Journal, get those thoughts and feelings out of your mind and onto paper so that you can process them better. Cry if you need. Cry and cry and cry. (Without feeling bad or silly!)
This in itself is – of course – difficult in the moment. But it can also feel like a big release and does – in itself – help you to feel better after a breakup… Even just momentarily.
If you do this daily after a breakup, and feel your emotions every time you need, to the intensity that naturally comes out…
Gradually these emotions will become less and less and you’ll start to see the shift. They’ll lose their power, as you – in turn – regain yours.
6) Look At The FACTS!
When it comes to how to feel better after a breakup, looking at the actual facts, is truly fundamental.
See right now, everything is a little raw. Emotions are running high, but this is one of the biggest problems, because you then make everything BIGGER than (sometimes) it needs to be.
And this isn’t to say that your emotions aren’t valid. They absolutely are.
But when you allow your emotions to fuel your thoughts around a situation, as opposed to taking the situation for what it is, you blow it up even more.
See you want to try not to make things anything more or anything less than they are. Remove the emotions attached to gain a better sense of perspective.
For example, let’s say your boyfriend ended the relationship with you. Let’s say he said he thinks the two of you want different things…
Looking At The Facts (E.G.)
If you’re looking at it logically and rationally, without being emotionally fuelled, you may think to yourself, well:
- Does he have a valid point here? In which ways is he right and what things back this up? (Facts, facts, facts. With these – we’re not saying it still won’t hurt, but then at least you can start to see that maybe it wasn’t such a bad decision.)
- Did he go about this respectfully? Or in the best way that one can? (After all, it’s hard to break up with someone without hurting them… We all know that!)
- Do things like this often happen? It’s not uncommon, and it’s just a part of life? (Facts, facts, facts!)
- Ultimately – the relationship is over now, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But that’s just what it is. That’s the fact of the matter, and it’s now about how I move on from here… (Whether I want to or not. I have no other choice now really!)
Being FUELLED By Your Emotion (E.G.)
Remember, all of the above points will still make you feel certain emotions. Because you’re shifting your focus, you’re more likely to feel less negative emotions, or with less intensity.
But the facts can still make you feel sad or angry after a breakup. That’s normal.
The difference is, when you look at the facts as opposed to being fuelled by the emotions that build up around the situation, it makes you feel a lot better about it all, rather than allowing things to escalate.
So again, let’s use the same example of your boyfriend breaking up with you because he wants different things. So you might allow yourself to think…
“He said we want different things. Since when? That’s news to me. Is that really the actual reason?!”
Whether it is or it isn’t, going into detective mode won’t help anything.
You’re also just fighting the key stage of acceptance, and coming up with other reasons (that may or not be true) which hurt you even more… It’s just completely unnecessary.
“But I love him. I know I can be who he wants me to be!”
(This isn’t a fact. It’s a hope. And not the kind of one you want to run with or act on anyway, as that will NEVER lead to happiness.
Remember: the right person will love you for you and want to be with you exactly the way that you are. You won’t need to change your character, and any changes you make will come naturally and be part of self-improvement.
If you allow yourself to be driven by this “hope” as opposed to taking the facts, it will take you on a long, painful path of destruction!
The list could go on and on, but all of these will be based on speculations that drive further emotions, and heighten the natural emotions that come after a breakup too.
For this reason, you always want to take it back to the FACTS and then move forward from these, if you’re looking for how to feel better after a breakup.
EXTRA TIP: Stay Level Headed
When you look at the FACTS and feel your emotions based on that, you’ll also start to see that it’s normal to feel the way you feel.
This can be both comforting and reassuring as you know that your mind and body is simply processing all of this in the way it needs to… And as it does, you will naturally begin to feel better after a breakup anyway.
The thing is – you want to make this as easy for yourself as possible. You also have to be patient with it.
For example, a common unhealthy coping mechanism after a breakup is using drugs or alcohol to try to deal with the pain.
While this may make you feel like it’s helping you at first, the after-effects will leave you feeling much worse, and it will also HEIGHTEN the emotions that are there.
So when it comes to how to feel better after a breakup, you want to look at the things you need to do… then look at what makes it harder or easier to actually do them!
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
7) Talk To Your Friends & Family
Another thing that helps when it comes to feeling better after a breakup, is talking to friends / family when you need support.
Now, that doesn’t mean that EVERY conversation should be about your breakup, but don’t isolate yourself or bottle things up either.
Lean on those who love and care about you as they really will help to get you through this and that alone will enable you to feel better after a breakup, because you’ll really feel the love and care…
Remember, there are different ways to still feel loved when you’re single, so don’t think that you aren’t loved anymore. It doesn’t have to be painfully lonely!
8) Work To Gain Closure
Now closure is a difficult one. Especially if you’re stuck in denial, or know that it should “in theory” have ended, it was the right thing…
But it doesn’t feel right and you still can’t help but wish it wasn’t this way. See you’re fighting it. You’re unable to let go.
And that’s why – without closure – you’re going to make it far harder to feel fully better, as you’ll always be partially stuck in the past, unable to move on.
The good news is – no matter what your situation – there are ways to create your own closure, even if you can’t get it from your ex.
So again, if you want to feel better after a breakup, this is a core stage and something to put on your “tick-list” when it comes to breakup recovery.
(And yes, anywhere where the text is pink – that’s a clickable link with an additional read, which will help you in that area. So don’t worry, we really have got you covered!)
9) Cut Contact
See, you’ll probably have heard of the no contact rule after a breakup and it’s there for good reason. Yes, the prospect of not speaking to your ex may be daunting – if not, pretty frightening.
After all, you’ve been a team for all this time, and -presumably – pretty close. To go from that, to nothing… it’s a bit of a shock to your system. But it truly is the best for the both of you.
See, although initially it will feel like someone has ripped a piece of your heart out (no exaggeration in many cases), as you start to readjust, going no contact with your ex becomes a major player in feeling better again.
No contact enables you to move on with your life, without them popping up or reminding you of them.
It therefore significantly helps you to stop thinking about your ex, and gets you focusing on YOU instead. On a similar note…
10) Stop The Snooping!
If you want to feel better after your breakup, you’ve GOT to stop watching your ex on social media… Stop “snooping!”
Checking your ex’s social media profile, or anyone else related to try to keep tabs on what they’re doing and what’s happening in their world now… it’s not healthy.
And yes, of course, there will always be a degree of curiosity after a breakup. In fact, it’s tempting to “snoop” someone even if you’ve only been dating them.
(That’s why orbiting is one of the biggest dating trends at the moment!)
But the truth is, it’s not good for you and it’s not good for your ex if they notice it either…
You already feel the grief and loss of them, so aggravating it further by reminding yourself of them, only sets you back.
In fact, if you see things you don’t want to (like your ex seemingly being over you), it makes you feel far, far WORSE. So sometimes – ignorance can be bliss.
Checking up on your ex is one of the worst things you can do after a breakup. One of the BEST things you can do is to instead, focus on you and keep them out of your sphere.
The less reminders, the better. In your mind, you should compartmentalise it as – “They’re no longer here and I can no longer look. But that’s okay. As this is about me now…”
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
We’re half way through, so let’s keep these tips and strategies coming. Remember: knowledge is not power without action, so commit to taking action TODAY.
(Even if it’s starting with the smaller, easier things. You should do one thing, today, one thing by the time we’ve reached the end of this article, if you truly want to feel better after your breakup.)
11) Do Things You Love
So, what else can you and should you do if you want to feel better after a breakup?
Well, do things you love, do things you enjoy, do things that make you happy… But which you didn’t have enough time for before, or you didn’t prioritise making time for.
Now you’re single, you absolutely can. (Now more than ever!) You determine your life and your schedule.
And by taking things out to do the things you love – it takes the focus away from the things you don’t like or aren’t happy with, following the breakup.
Find that it’s not taking your mind off it? Then you need something more mentally stimulating that requires your concentration and focus on that.
But once you find these things – you have immense power to (almost instantly!) change the way you feel, in just a moment.
(Because as a matter of fact, we can’t concentrate on more than one thing at one time…
So if you’re concentrating on something you love, you literally don’t have space to feel bad over the breakup. This then gives you a much-needed breather!)
Not sure what you enjoy doing? Well part of the fun is in finding this, which leads us onto our next key point…
12) Find New Hobbies
One of the best ways to feel better after a break-up, and increase your confidence after a breakup in the process too, is to find new hobbies.
There’s actually far more different hobbies you can (and should!) start.
It’s all about thinking outside the box, having a search, seeing what’s available, then giving it a go. Because hey – if you don’t enjoy it, there’s no loss…
You simply try it and continue the things you don’t like, whilst feeling super proud for going, even if you ended up not enjoying something else!
These hobbies then fill the extra time that you now have (now that you’re not putting that time into a relationship.)
They also help you make new friends, and get you into new routines. Talking of which…
13) Develop a New Self Care Routine
Now, more than aver, is the time to be looking after yourself.
In fact, it’s essential for feeling better after a breakup, because these small things, do in fact add up – influencing the way you feel in yourself and about yourself.
So don’t dwell, don’t wallow and certainly don’t let yourself go – as that only chips away at you and makes you feel worse.
Do small things daily to look after your mental and physical wellbeing. (In fact, to get you into this, I’ve designed a 30 Day Self Care Challenge for exactly that!)
See, self-care can seem like such a “fluffy” word. It’s over-used and misunderstood. But trust me when I say – taking time daily to look after YOU, makes a major difference…
And there’s more things that you can (and should do) than you may realise.
This isn’t something that should overwhelm you, but instead, excite you…
For example, initially, after a breakup – even getting up, showering and cleaning your teeth twice a day, is a small act of self-care.
But as time goes on, you may like to add things like meditation, proper “me-time”, pampering and working out into your routine. (To mention just a few.) Don’t forget…
Every single thing you do, affects the way you feel…
So self-care is all about positively influencing your life, to feel better in yourself. On a similar note…
14) Work Out!
I’m going to keep it short and snappy for this tip on how to feel better after a breakup… But whilst we’re mentioning self-care, I want to further highlight the power of working out!
Did someone say “GLOW UP?” Only this is a glow-up for you and you alone.
See, not only does focusing on health and fitness, lead to your “peak body” and feeling confident in how you look, but the feel-good endorphins it releases in the process, are also invaluable.
In fact, there’s many benefits of working out after a breakup. So find a type of exercise that you enjoy, and add that into your daily / weekly routine.
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
15) Work On Yourself
Aside from working out – you should also work on yourself, as a person. In fact, not only is this the BEST time to do so… After all, it’s all about new starts after a breakup…
But the whole process of working on yourself and becoming the best version of you, helps to make you feel better after a breakup in itself.
See, you’re turning the negatives into positives, by learning fundamental life-changing lessons from any mistakes you made in past relationships.
You’re using this to become the person and partner, you both want and need to be, so that the next relationship – is the right relationship and the relationship that truly lasts. So:
- See where you went wrong in your last relationship. (Don’t beat yourself up or be too hard on yourself, but reflect on the behaviour you didn’t like about yourself and what you’d want to do differently next time.)
- Look at what changes you need to make and map out what actions you’d need to take (or at least try) to see the changes you need to see. (If you’re feeling unsure, speak to a specialist breakup coach, like me! We can map all of this out together and I can hold you accountable.)
- Read as much as you can, watch as much as you can and learn as much as you can.
See you may want to work on yourself in terms of how you act in a relationship and the things which affect the way you behave (e.g. low self-esteem causing clinginess or lingering abandonment issues creating ongoing issues, etc.)
But you may also want to work on yourself as a whole. For this reason, I recommend creating your own happiness plan and self-improvement plan or hey – you may even like to pull together a personal development bucket list!
Both will help to build you up, which in turn, gets you back to – not just feeling like yourself – but feeling the best, happiest version yourself (that you’ve probably felt in a very long time!)
16) Set Yourself Goals
Building on our last point then, goal setting can be great for helping you to feel better after a breakup.
See, not only does it keep you on track with the things you want (or need) to do, but it also brings it back to giving you a focus again.
Take the time now, to sit down and assess where you are and where you want to be. Look at all the different areas and aspects of your life…
What are you happy with? What are you not happy with? In which areas are you “on track”? And which areas may need a little more focus?
For example – right now, you may see this breakup as a setback when it comes to your relationship goals. But if you’re learning from it, it’s not.
If you’re taking the time you need and doing the things you need, to get you in a position to find the love that will last – you’re still progressing.
So focus on that. But look at the other areas of your life that maybe got less focus whilst you were in a relationship too.
For example, did your career goals take a backseat with all of the relationship drama that was going on? Or maybe your body / fitness goals, took a hit?
Now is a great time to assess and reset. And being able to get fully focused on your goals is just one of the many benefits of being single…
Which you will soon see and feel in time, once you start to feel better after this breakup!
17) Make Plans (Lots of Them!)
Can you see how the process to feeling better after a breakup gets more and more exciting as we go along?
See, you will inevitably have some tricky work to do when it comes to healing properly and fully from your past relationship (and removing any “baggage” that could potentially come with that too.)
It takes time, work and commitment to do this properly.
But you can get into the routine of working on that every week or every day, this in turn, gives you the strength to do more and you’ll gain more and more momentum from there.
As you start to feel better, a whole new world of opportunities opens up… So I want you to fully capitalise on that. The best way? By creating a Singles Bucket List. (Uh huh!)
Your Singles Bucket List…
This should include all the things you want to do, experience and have, as you fully embrace single life and this exciting chapter that is now upon you.
Push yourself, live the way that YOU want to, on YOUR terms. Travel more, explore further. Focus on doing as much as you can, now that you can…
Because within all of this, not only will it make you happier and get you over your breakup faster too (providing you’ve done the essential groundwork to dealing with that properly as well), but it will make you more likely to attract more of the RIGHT people towards you too.
This leads me onto my next point. (And don’t make any judgements on this straight away, okay?…)
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
18) Date… When You’re Ready (Just Know What “Ready” Means)
Okay, so here’s something you MAY not have expected to read in our guide for how to feel better after a breakup, but I’m a big advocate for dating after a breakup, providing it’s done properly.
See, so many people make the mistake of dating for the wrong reason after a breakup…
They split up, they get straight back onto dating apps and they use it to seek validation.
They’re looking for a quick fix, in some cases they’re looking for a replacement for their ex, and they’re going into it with a completely wrong frame of mind. (Which then only sets them back further in the long run and STOPS them from finding a lasting love!)
If you want to date healthily after a breakup, and date to help you feel better after a breakup, you want to:
– Date When You’re Ready
But ready doesn’t mean you have to be ready for a relationship. Ready simply means, “Okay, I’m ready to at least speak to other people and start getting to know new people…
Whether that’s on a romantic level or not, I’m not going to force anything or rush anything. I’m simply going to be open minded and start to ENJOY this new aspect of my life.”
– Date Lightly
If you’re going to get back into dating after a breakup, you shouldn’t be fixated on it.
You should simply start dating lightly, on the side of all of the other work you’re doing on yourself and for yourself. It’s just ONE element of your life – not your main focus.
– Be Open & Honest
You also need to make sure you’re open and honest on dating apps, if you’re dating after a breakup. After all, the dating game is hard enough without the newly heartbroken taking over on there!
So when you date after a breakup, no, you don’t need to pour your heart out to your new matches about your ex and how much you’re struggling…
But you should be fully open, honest and transparent about the fact that things are still potentially a little raw right now and you’re not sure what you’re looking for or are ready for, just yet.
See, you want to get the right balance between FEARING dating and putting it off for so long because you think you can’t date when you’re still in love with your ex; and throwing yourself into it for the wrong reasons, for an escape to the pain.
For this reason, yes, there’s likely to be a period of time that you’ll wait before dating…
But this isn’t one set, standard timeframe. The amount of time you need to wait before starting to date again, 100% varies from person to person.
Like I said above, you simply need to start to feel ready in terms of ready to get to know new people (with no pressures or expectations.)
19) Know That It’s Okay To Have Ups & Downs
There’s lots of information here; lots of information to take in, learn, understand and put into practice.
Just know that you don’t have to go to extremes with it and there’s no set rules…
For example, you don’t have to have a mad, strict, dating ban; or wait for a set amount of time before you do a certain thing.
You can also make “mistakes”. After all, they’re not always mistakes if you’re learning from them, they’re simply part of your recovery journey as you work your way through.
See, all of the tips in this article will help to make you feel better after a breakup, but if you want to make sure the change is real and lasts – the only way to tell that is with time.
So be patient, be gentle, and don’t stress out if you have some bad days within the good.
It doesn’t mean you’re back to square one, it just means you’re having a little wobble and that’s okay… It’s okay to not feel okay all the time.
Having these ups and downs is all part of the process. It’s natural, normal, and a sign that – actually – you’re just building yourself up to feel WHOLE again.
Any down you have, will not last…
It just means you need to appreciate and capitalise on the “ups” even more, until gradually it balances out and you – as a whole – feel more stable and “okay” again.
20) Seek Professional Support
If you’re trying all of these things and it’s still nor working, not working as well as you’d want it to, or you’re being held back by a particular issue – don’t keep struggling along on your own.
Health is wealth as they say and the physiological effects of a breakup can take a toll on both your mind and your body – so don’t prolong it longer than you need to.
If you had a physical injury, you probably wouldn’t hesitate in getting physiotherapy to work through this, so let’s break the stigma around getting emotional support for life-changing experiences too.
Invest in coaching or therapy to heal faster and fuller… Just know that – no matter what – there are always things you can do and people who can help so you never have to give up hope.
How To Feel Better After a Breakup
So there we have it – the mighty step-by-step formula for how to feel better after a breakup. (Phew! There’s been a lot here, right?) But I really hope this all of this helps.
Remember – it’s not enough to just read this. You have to put it into practice. So save this, print it and work through it – bit by bit.
You’re not alone in this. Don’t ever forget that. You must also know and believe that you WILL get through this, coming out of it all, far stronger and happier than ever before. (Trust me. I can promise you this!)
So keep pushing! Look after yourself. And good luck.
I’m here, rooting for you every step of the way!